Jimmy Kalid, a ninth-grade English teacher at Kaaterskill Central School in the areas centralized district, realizes somethings amiss. Despite impressive test scores, his students can barely read. Then his new girlfriend, Phyllis Nielsen, while substituting for the eighth-grade English teacher, makes a discovery that causes everything to make sense.

When Joseph Scalani, the nephew of a mob bossand paper pusher in the State Department of Educationcomes to town with evidence of test tampering, hes hoping to shake down the perpetrators. Instead he meets a pair of incompetents: the bumbling Chief School Officer and his lackey. These two must scramble to cover their tracks, confounding a county sheriff, who rarely sees anything beyond petty theft.

As the mob, the schools leadership, and the sheriff collide, each player rises to his true level of incompetence. Their only hope to unravel the mystery is the towns singular pair of intelligent teachers Jimmy Kalid and Phyllis Nielsen.