Within the throngs of Alzheimers diseaseUps and downs, brief moments of clarity. One is almost hopeful that the old you has returned for good, then, just as quicklya reality check. Its only a brief moment of clarity. I miss you mama, even though you are here with me. Ive had moments of griefforever grieving little losses every day. I try desperately to hold on to as much of you as I can, trying not to be selfish. I try desperately not to let it be patient and nurse. But letting it be mother and daughter. Wondering if this is dj vu. I can sometimes see Jessica helping escort me to the chair; covering me with the lap blanket and sweater and bringing me my afternoon mealits as if all that time has passed and I cant remember anything in between. Then flash back to reality when you are clinging to me for dear life, your nails in my arms and begging Jesus to save you, as we go from the bed to the wheel chair. Once safe in the wheel chair everything is ok and back we go to normal again. Weve all been through some sort of loss but this loss is especially cruel, to live while dying.