Childhood A - Z 45 short stories, 45 views on what life's like when you're a kid. Funny stories, sad stories, stories that hit you where other sweets can't reach. Meet Matti, Pia, Lars and Peter, kids from around the world who'll share a few moments with you. And a bit of magic on every page. You hate endings? Or are worried a new beginning will bring only more trouble? It's all here, and a lot more besides.
Maria Thermann's novella is a traditional Victorian ghost story, with a spoonful of romance thrown in for good measure. Set towards the end of the 19th century in the fictional county of Oxtailshire, the novella takes a humerous look at the genre and hopes to entertain, rather than scare readers. Furious about his son's choice of wife and occupation, Sir Hubert Tulking, life-long enthusiastic hunter of foxes, decides to take drastic measures, when his son Allan returns to England to introduce his American actress wife to the county set. The brazen fortune seeker must die! Just one minor problem: Sir Hubert isn't exactly in a position to wring the lady's neck...for he himself died a year ago in a riding accident. How can a ghost exact vengeance? Sir Hubert leaves no stone - or ancient book - unturned to find an answer! Still grieving over the death of his young wife, Roderick, Marquess of Tumbleweed, throws himself into his work and follows his passion: fox hunting. He runs a successful Hunt from his estate, but fails to engage on a personal level with anyone other than his childhood friend Sir Alan Tulking. Even lonelier after his friend departs for Broadway and the career of playwright, Roderick is delighted when Sir Allan announces his return, but horrified when he discovers a ghost is out to destroy his friend's new-found happiness. Will Roderick be in time to save the new Lady Tulking from a gruesome death at the ghostly hands of Sir Hubert? Matters are complicated even more, when Roderick finds himself pursued romantically by author Beatrice, who won't stop at nothing to ensnare Roderick and promote her new novel at the same time. She's one cunning little vixen and the Marquess of Tumbleweed had better watch out or the Master of the Foxhunt will become the prey. Whatever happens, rest assured, the foxes will have the upper paw in the end - for those who call causing the suffering of animals "sport" deserve all they get!
Every Monday, every bloody week the same. He stumbled into the bathroom, cursing the last four pints he'd had the night before – all Barry's fault – and tore up the toilet seat to relieve himself. He was willing, but nothing came. No tinkle, no waterfall, no manly display of pee-prowess. He looked, refused to believe what he saw, closed his eyes and tried again. Focus! No, this was definitely a change from last Monday morning. Carl stared, fingered the spot where his penis should have been, but was not. Gone. Vanished. No doodah, no balls. Nothing but a smooth pink patch in hairy wilderness. So begins Carl's Monday morning...and it gets worse from then on... According to the Good Book, God made the world in seven days. Writers create their own universe...playing at being god. So here are seven stories of humans and other critters not having a terribly good time of it in god's splendid universe.
Maria Thermann's novella is a traditional Victorian ghost story, with a spoonful of romance thrown in for good measure. Set towards the end of the 19th century in the fictional county of Oxtailshire, the novella takes a humerous look at the genre and hopes to entertain, rather than scare readers. Furious about his son's choice of wife and occupation, Sir Hubert Tulking, life-long enthusiastic hunter of foxes, decides to take drastic measures, when his son Allan returns to England to introduce his American actress wife to the county set. The brazen fortune seeker must die! Just one minor problem: Sir Hubert isn't exactly in a position to wring the lady's neck...for he himself died a year ago in a riding accident. How can a ghost exact vengeance? Sir Hubert leaves no stone - or ancient book - unturned to find an answer! Still grieving over the death of his young wife, Roderick, Marquess of Tumbleweed, throws himself into his work and follows his passion: fox hunting. He runs a successful Hunt from his estate, but fails to engage on a personal level with anyone other than his childhood friend Sir Alan Tulking. Even lonelier after his friend departs for Broadway and the career of playwright, Roderick is delighted when Sir Allan announces his return, but horrified when he discovers a ghost is out to destroy his friend's new-found happiness. Will Roderick be in time to save the new Lady Tulking from a gruesome death at the ghostly hands of Sir Hubert? Matters are complicated even more, when Roderick finds himself pursued romantically by author Beatrice, who won't stop at nothing to ensnare Roderick and promote her new novel at the same time. She's one cunning little vixen and the Marquess of Tumbleweed had better watch out or the Master of the Foxhunt will become the prey. Whatever happens, rest assured, the foxes will have the upper paw in the end - for those who call causing the suffering of animals "sport" deserve all they get!
Every Monday, every bloody week the same. He stumbled into the bathroom, cursing the last four pints he'd had the night before – all Barry's fault – and tore up the toilet seat to relieve himself. He was willing, but nothing came. No tinkle, no waterfall, no manly display of pee-prowess. He looked, refused to believe what he saw, closed his eyes and tried again. Focus! No, this was definitely a change from last Monday morning. Carl stared, fingered the spot where his penis should have been, but was not. Gone. Vanished. No doodah, no balls. Nothing but a smooth pink patch in hairy wilderness. So begins Carl's Monday morning...and it gets worse from then on... According to the Good Book, God made the world in seven days. Writers create their own universe...playing at being god. So here are seven stories of humans and other critters not having a terribly good time of it in god's splendid universe.
How-de-do," whispered Linus as politely as he could, trying hard not to stare. Swaying dangerously now under the weight of his two colleagues, the First Minister Gobbledygook winked at him. "Top of the mornin' to you, young sir; bet you've never seen the likes of us, have ye, now?" Linus shook his head silently, never taking his eyes of the whiskered individual closest to his face. That walking stick looked quite capable of poking a human eye out! "What, if I may ask, are you?" Linus felt it was rather difficult holding a polite conversation entirely in whispers. "Are you also noble members of the House of O'Malley?" "Of course not!" Skinflint said indignantly, his cheeks turning a little pink beneath his white mutton chops. "Then what exactly are you, if not O'Malley's from Lincolnshire? Gnomes? Pixies?" "I'll give ye a clue. We're Oirish." Minister Gobbledygook chuckled into his bushy red beard. "As Oirish as rainbows, harps and soda bread." Giggling made him bob his arms slightly up and down, causing an upwards tremor that threatened to undo their pyramid at any moment. *** It's not everyday you go for a stroll to explore a new neighbourhood and find yourself nose-to-nose with a leprechaun! But this is what happens to shy 9-year-old Linus Brown, when he follows the advice of a mysterious scarecrow and takes a road less well travelled. Before long, Linus finds himself at the centre of The Great Leprechaun War, coming face to fist with the school bully and his horrible Uncle Herb. These two polluters could wipe out the world's last remaining leprechaun colony with the poison they dump into Farmer O'Malley's woodland pond. Can Linus safe the leprechauns from Thunderpants the Destroyer and make a friend of brave Princess Hermione in the process? Linus faces impossible odds. The school bully's built like a tank and it's Thunderpants-a-go! when Uncle Herb's around. Expect plenty of farting jokes, sneaky witches with their own agenda and far more leprechauns than could possibly fit into a single pot of gold.
Eleven-year-old Willow Band lives with her parents in a remote cottage at the edge of the picturesque village Stinkforth-upon-Avon. The villagers have no idea there's a family of vampires in their midst. Insurance salesmen, bankers and visiting vicars beware...or you'll end up on the Band's dinner table! Willow loves poetry, ballet and animals...but she doesn't like eating leathery postman, wrinkly non-organic dancers or her friendly neighbour Mr. Edwards, who has long been on her mother's list of Sunday lunch ingredients. Having fled London for the safety of the Stinkforthshire countryside, Willow and her parents try to blend into the rural community of humans without arousing their suspicions...although mysterious disappearances of staff from the local research facility are causing a bit of a stink... Willow is an unusual vampire: she was born eleven years ago in a disgustingly human way that baffled even the wise old heads of the Vampire Council - how was this possible, when age-old vampire tradition demands blood sacrifice at full moon for baby-vampires to enter the world? She finds herself at odds with both her human and her vampire world. Why exactly did her Great Uncle call her a Child of Light? What will her very human friend Darren say, when he finds out she's a blood-sucking fiend? Just when Willow starts to settle into her new life at Stinkforth's School for the Gifted, she discovers her mother has a dangerous secret that puts the whole family at risk, plunging Willow and her friends into a dark mystery that may well spell the end of the world as we know it. As she battles with villainous relatives, greedy headmasters, vicious bat-monsters, disgruntled ex-prison warders, miffed pagan gods, not to mention her arch rival Felicity Henderson, who'd stop at nothing to beat Willow in this year's poetry competition, Willow discovers there's more to her than just fangs and an eye for a good sonnet. Author Maria Thermann hopes you will enjoy her stories set in the fictional county of Stinkforthshire, England - an entirely slayer-free zone. The adventures of Willow the Vampire and the Sacred Grove are aimed at children aged 10 - 12...and anyone who enjoys black humour and likes vampires that are feisty!
Childhood A - Z 45 short stories, 45 views on what life's like when you're a kid. Funny stories, sad stories, stories that hit you where other sweets can't reach. Meet Matti, Pia, Lars and Peter, kids from around the world who'll share a few moments with you. And a bit of magic on every page. You hate endings? Or are worried a new beginning will bring only more trouble? It's all here, and a lot more besides.
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