Marcus Berkmann's Books

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Sex, Drugs and Cars in Swimming Pools

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Sex, Drugs and Cars in Swimming Pools

By: Marcus Berkmann

Marcus Berkmann was for many years the pop critic of the Spectator, waiting like most freelances to get fired. He's also the author of the bestselling Berkmann's Cricket Miscellany, concentrating on the ridiculous true stories and the weird characters of that most eccentric of sports. Here he combines the two, in a wildly entertaining ride through the galloping absurdities of pop, from Elvis Presley's real hair colour, through Janet Jackson's more intimate piercings, to Courtney Love's hatred of cheese. Why does Bono always wear sunglasses? Did Ozzy Osbourne really urinate on the Alamo? What actually happened at Keith Moon's 21st birthday party at the Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan? There's sex, there's drugs, there's violence, there's even a little rock 'n' roll from time to time. But mainly there are vital questions, now finally answered. Which notable guitarist has unfeasibly tiny hands? Which Britpop star was forced to wear lederhosen as a child? Who said, 'The majority of pop stars are compete idiots in every respect'? And was she wrong?

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Page Count

218

Publisher

Little, Brown Book Group

Published Date

ISBN 10

1408713845

ISBN 13

9781408713846

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

By: Marcus Berkmann

Marcus Berkmann, author of the cricket classics Rain Men and Zimmer Men, returns to the great game with this irresistible miscellany of cricketing trivia, stories and more fascinating facts than Geoffrey Boycott could shake a stick of rhubarb at. Which England captain smoked two million cigarettes in his lifetime? Which Australian captain, asked what his favourite animal was, said 'Merv Hughes'? What did Hitler think of cricket? Which National Hunt trainer had a dog called Sobers? Who was described in his obituary as 'perhaps the only unequivocally popular man in Yorkshire'? No other sport is so steeped in oddness and eccentricity. There's the only Test player ever to be executed for murder, the only first-class cricketer to die on the Titanic, and the only bestselling author to catch fire while playing at Lord's. (It was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The ball hit a box of matches in his pocket.) All cricket is here, including an XI entirely made up of players who share their names with freshwater fish.

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Page Count

236

Publisher

Little, Brown Book Group

Published Date

ISBN 10

1408711753

ISBN 13

9781408711750

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Sex, Drugs and Cars in Swimming Pools

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Sex, Drugs and Cars in Swimming Pools

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Page Count

218

Publisher

Hachette UK

Published Date

ISBN 10

1408713845

ISBN 13

9781408713846

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

By: Marcus Berkmann

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236

Publisher

Little, Brown Book Group

Published Date

ISBN 10

1408711753

ISBN 13

9781408711750

Still a Bit of Snap in the Celery

or K.B.O. *Keep Buggering On

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Still a Bit of Snap in the Celery

or K.B.O. *Keep Buggering On

By: Marcus Berkmann

From the bestselling author of A Shed of One's Own, a very funny memoir about being 60. Marcus Berkmann's funny, instantly recognisable description of middle-age in A Shed of One's Own struck a chord and turned it into a bestseller. Now he realises he has entered a new age category: the Young-Old. Well, the body continues to provide challenges (every group meeting seems to begin the dreaded 'organ recital'), and the bank balance may not be doing too well either - but it's certainly not all doom and gloom. You have come to terms with your deficiencies and eccentricities (although your partner may not); your Fear of Missing Out has become Joy at Staying In; you have embraced the notion of the Power Nap - and though you're not going to embark on a course of 'mindfulness' you nevertheless recognise if living in the moment also includes walking to the local for a pint with an old friend then you'll sign up for it after all... You could call it 'beerfulness'. 'Berkmann is a fine observer of decline. He says what other men would rather not think about, let alone discuss. Another ten years pottering around in his shed and he'll have cracked it' Sunday Times

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Page Count

183

Publisher

Abacus

Published Date

ISBN 10

0349145474

ISBN 13

9780349145471

How to Be a Writer

Baths, Biscuits and Endless Cups of Tea

By: Marcus Berkmann

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How to Be a Writer

Baths, Biscuits and Endless Cups of Tea

By: Marcus Berkmann

Marcus Berkmann has been a freelance writer since 1988, working for newspapers and magazines and occasionally writing a book, like this one. He reckons to have written literally millions of words in that time, several of them in the right order. This, his 13th or possibly 14th book, is about those years of writing: the triumphs (few), the heartbreaks (many), the sackings (more than you would expect), the biscuits (many, many more than you would expect). In it he somehow makes the act of staring out of a window wondering what to say next seem both fascinating and, in some strange way, enviable, whereas, like most writers, he rarely leaves the house other than to go to the pub or the off-licence. Often asked how you become a writer, his advice remains: Please do not. There's already enough competition out there and we don't need any more. His advance for this book was about enough to buy a packet of Jaffa Cakes.

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Page Count

179

Publisher

Little, Brown Book Group

Published Date

ISBN 10

1408713829

ISBN 13

9781408713822

Rain Men

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Rain Men

By: Marcus Berkmann

There are many cricket books, and they are all the same. 'Don't Tell Goochie', autobiographical insights of nights on the tiles in Delhi with Lambie and the boys; 'Fruit cake days', a celebrated humourist recalls 'ball' - related banter of yore; and Wisden, a deadly weapon when combined with a thermos flask. Rain Men is different. Like the moment the genius of Richie Benaud first revealed itself to you, it is a cricketing epiphany, a landmark in the literature of the game. Shining the light meter of reason into cricket's incomparable madness, Marcus Berkmann illuminates all the obsessions and disappointments that the dedicated fan and pathologically hopeful clubman suffers year after year - the ritual humiliation of England's middle order, the partially-sighted umpires, the battling average that reads more like a shoe size. As satisfying as a perfectly timed cover drive, and rather easier to come by, Rain Men offers essential justification for anyone who has ever run a team-mate out on purpose or secretly blubbed at a video of Botham's Ashes.

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Page Count

178

Publisher

Abacus

Published Date

ISBN 10

1405530456

ISBN 13

9781405530453

Zimmer Men

The Trials and Tribulations of the Ageing Cricketer

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Zimmer Men

The Trials and Tribulations of the Ageing Cricketer

By: Marcus Berkmann

Ten years after his classic Rain Men - 'cricket's answer to Fever Pitch,' said the Daily Telegraph - Marcus Berkmann returns to the strange and wondrous world of village cricket, where players sledge their team-mates, umpires struggle to count up to six, the bails aren't on straight and the team that fields after a hefty tea invariably loses. This time he's on the trail of the Ageing Cricketer, having suddenly realised that he is one himself and playing in a team with ten others every weekend. In their minds they run around the field as fast as ever; it's only their legs that let them down. ZIMMER MEN asks all the important questions of middle-aged cricketers. Why is that boundary rope suddenly so far away? Are you doomed to getting worse as a cricketer, or could you get better? How many pairs of trousers will your girth destroy in one summer? Chronicling the 2004 season, with its many humiliating defeats and random injuries, this coruscatingly funny new book laughs in the face of middle age, and starts thinking seriously about buying a convertible.

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Page Count

177

Publisher

Hachette UK

Published Date

ISBN 10

0748127089

ISBN 13

9780748127085

Ashes to Ashes

35 Years of Humiliation (And about 20 Minutes of Ecstasy) Watching England V Australia

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Ashes to Ashes

35 Years of Humiliation (And about 20 Minutes of Ecstasy) Watching England V Australia

By: Marcus Berkmann

The Ashes may be the longest and fiercest sporting soap opera the world has known. The anticipation is always intense, expectations are high and, for England fans, disappointment is almost inevitable, as we usually lose. But it's a drug we can never kick. How have we got into this state? Can we ever break free? Marcus Berkmann knows he can't and has stopped even trying. ASHES TO ASHES is the first emotional history of the contest, shamelessly eschewing balance and objectivity to give the punter's view of every series since 1972. This new edition updates the tale to the victorious 2009 series, while remaining brutally realistic about our chances in 2010 and beyond . . .

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Page Count

345

Published Date

ISBN 10

0349122172

ISBN 13

9780349122175

Brain Men

The Insider's Guide to Quizzing

By: Marcus Berkmann

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Brain Men

The Insider's Guide to Quizzing

By: Marcus Berkmann

Guides you through the type of trivia you need to win at quizzes.

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Page Count

213

Published Date

ISBN 10

0349112991

ISBN 13

9780349112992

A Matter Of Facts: The Insider's Guide To Quizzing

By: Marcus Berkmann

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A Matter Of Facts: The Insider's Guide To Quizzing

By: Marcus Berkmann

Marcus Berkmann is a competitive obsessive but where he was very bad at cricket (see RAIN MEN) he's a brilliantly knowledgeable nerd and a great success at pub quizzes. He's possibly the only man in Britain whom Nick Hornby is jealous of - because his team beat Hornby's in a pub quiz and went on to win the EVENING STANDARD knockout tournament. This hilarious book will do for quiz culture - from Mastermind to Fifteen to One to the quiz in your local - what LOST IN MUSIC did for bad rock bands. Thousands of people take part in quizzes every week answering questions such as who won the League Cup in 1972 (Stoke City beat Chelsea 3-2) and which of Henry VIII's wives was both a widow and a virgin when she married him (Catherine of Aragon)? Funny, informative, original: this book has all the answers - including the one to question six.

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Age

Page Count

206

Publisher

Abacus

Published Date

ISBN 10

1405530448

ISBN 13

9781405530446

Book's by Marcus Berkmann

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Berkmann's Pop Miscellany

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

Berkmann's Cricketing Miscellany

Still a Bit of Snap in the Celery

Still a Bit of Snap in the Celery

How to Be a Writer

How to Be a Writer

Rain Men

Rain Men

Zimmer Men

Zimmer Men

Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to Ashes

Brain Men

Brain Men

A Matter Of Facts: The Insider's Guide To Quizzing

A Matter Of Facts: The Insider's Guide To Quizzing

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