Sex. It’s something that’s on everyone’s mind. But the minds that thought of the weird, strange, and stupid sex acts that are reported in Fifty Shades of Dumb: True Stories of Strange and Screwy Sex are a breed of their own. For anyone who find sex inherently funny, and almost all of us do, here are stories to laugh at, and share: The woman who called the police about noises in her home. What did they find? Her sex toy vibrating in her night stand! The man who received a 90-day sentence for gratifying himself using a pumpkin in his backyard. That’s a scary Halloweenie! The couple who managed to have public sex on crowded train, only to receive complaints when they lit up their post-coital cigarettes. And so many more! Read. Enjoy. Have sex. Be smart!
If you or someone you know has just turned fifty, it’s time to accept that the rules of life have changed, and that fifty is not the new thirty for most of us. Leland Gregory understands the forgetful minds, sagging bodies, and flagging pride of his fellow middle-agers, and in 50 Things Not to Do after 50, he offers helpful advice aimed at combating the humiliations this stage of life can bring. For example, regardless of your gender, under no circumstances should you ever attempt to wear leather pants start a story that involves a lot of names—you'll forget most of them before the story is over stalk your high school sweetheart on Facebook. You might discover the person you had the hots for in 10th grade isn’t so hot anymore get drunk in Pamplona and deciding to run with the bulls volunteer to be a drug mule Say things like "fo’shizzle," "whatev," or "cray-cray" And do we really need to mention thongs, Speedos, or jeggings? 50 Things Not to Do after 50 is a lighthearted and sometimes painfully on-target book about how what we used to do in our twenties, thirties, and forties should be avoided at all costs now that we’re in our fifties.
Nothing is more important in the face of a war than cutting taxes." --Tom DeLay, America's Community Bankers meeting, March 12, 2003 * After revealing absurd 911 phone calls and America's dumbest criminal antics, former Saturday Night Live writer Leland Gregory skewers political pandering and pen-pushing philosophizing. Leland Gregory generates the best laughs by exposing the worst of human nature. Inside Idiots in Charge: Lies, Trick, Misdeeds, and Other Political Untruthiness Gregory offers more than 250 accounts of bumbling bureaucrats on both sides of political party lines: * David Spellman became mayor of Black Hawk, Colo., on July 12, 2006, a week after pleading guilty to felony menacing and third-degree assault for pistol-whipping his wife with a handgun and firing three shots in 2005. * County officials in Vermillion, Ind., were told by state homeland security officials in July 2006 to stop using the special emergency-only highway message boards to advertise their charity fish fries and spaghetti dinners. * District 1 Town Councilor David Watson resigned from his position as council vice chairman on January 23, 2007, after unintentionally forwarding an e-mail to 18 members of the New Elementary School Building Committee. The e-mail contained nine embedded images of topless women under the heading "This Is National Women's Breast Awareness Day." The only other text in the e-mail read, "Beats . . . Martin Luther King Day, doesn't it?
New York Times best-selling author Leland Gregory is definitely messing with Texas in his book Stupid Texas. This time, Leland--who has so entertainingly highlighted humanity's stupidity in the areas of crime, business, love, politics, cruelty, and history--collects evidence to prove the widespread belief that deep in the heart of Texans lies an extraordinary capacity for absurdity. Culled from print, online, and broadcast media, Stupid Texas is an uproarious collection of true stories, trivia, and factoids about the Lone Star State, such as: * "In 1875, James Stephen Hogg, the first native-born Texan to become the state's governor, named his daughter--Ima." * In 1984, a Texas District Court judge sentenced a 31-year-old Houston man to 35 years in prison--for stealing a 12-ounce, $2 can of Spam." Ridiculous, outrageous, bizarre, and comical, Stupid Texas is ideal for both kinds of people--those who love Texas and those who hate it.
Some wonder why and some wonder why not. But it's the latter ones who make you scratch your head and say, 'What in the world were you thinking?'" Former Saturday Night Live writer Leland Gregory skewers cruel crooks and the idiotically inane. From absurd 911 calls to presidential philosophizing and political pandering to foolish felons, Leland Gregory generates the best laughs by exposing the worst of human nature. Inside this collection, Gregory offers more than 275 accounts of human stupidity at its most malicious and peculiar: * In August 2006, 40-year-old Darrel Rodgers was treated at a Bloomington, Indiana, hospital for a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his left knee. Rogers explained that he shot himself seeking to relieve the pain in his knee, which probably stemmed from shooting himself in the same knee ten years earlier. * And, because some of the stories are just that unbelievable, each anecdote, quote, or factoid is presented with relevant background information--including its verified news source.
Best-selling author Leland Gregory--who has so entertainingly highlighted humanity's stupidity in the areas of crime, business, love, politics, cruelty, and history--is back with Stupid California. This time, Gregory builds a case for the common suspicion that Californians, from movie moguls to beach bums, have a special affinity for idiocy. Culled from print, online, and broadcast sources, Stupid California is a hilarious collection of true stories, trivia, and factoids about the Golden State, such as: * "California's state animal is the California grizzly bear, which is also on the state flag. The bear was honored in 1953, a full 31 years after the last known bear in the state was killed." * "During the 1980s, in a bold stroke against terrorism, the Chico City Council banned nuclear weapons, enacting a mandatory $500 fine for anyone detonating a nuclear weapon within city limits." Silly, shocking, weird, and amusing, Stupid California is ideal for both kinds of people--those who love California and those who hate it.
New York Times Bestseller: Welcome to the land of the free, the home of the brave—and, apparently, the dumb, bizarre, and gullible . . . Did you know that . . . *John Tyler was on his knees playing marbles when he was informed that Benjamin Harrison had died and he was now president of the United States *For reasons still unknown, Texas congressman Thomas Lindsay Blanton, a Presbyterian Sunday school teacher and prohibitionist, inserted dirty words into the Congressional Record in 1921—for which his colleagues officially censured him by a vote of 293-0 *Two US presidents were indentured servants—and one of them ran away and wound up with a $10 reward posted for his capture From Columbus to George W. Bush, the bestselling coauthor of America’s Dumbest Criminals leads us through the many mythconceptions of our nation’s history in this lively book, exposing lots of entertaining moments of idiocy and inanity along the time line.
An A-to-Z treasury of dumb, disastrous, and hard-to-believe human behavior from the New York Times-bestselling author of Stupid History! * A doctor’s actual diagnostic notation: The patient is married but sexually active. * “Shooting Reported at Firing Range” —The State, Columbia, South Carolina, August 4, 2006 * Arrested for public urination in Bowling Green, Ohio: Mr. Joshua Pees. —The Sentinel-Tribune, Bowling Green, Ohio, September 5, 2001 From absurd 911 calls to presidential philosophizing and foolish felons, Leland Gregory generates the best laughs by exposing the worst of human nature. This best-of collection features fifty percent new material and fifty percent fan favorites, arranged alphabetically by topic. And because the stories Gregory chronicles are just that unbelievable, each anecdote, quote, or factoid is presented with relevant background information, including its verified news source.
Readers just can't get enough tales of government gaffes, and no one spotlights stupidity like best-selling humorist Leland Gregory. President George W. Bush and his administration can't seem to stop goofing up, and Gregory can't help writing about it. Am-Bushed! is a hilarious rundown of the mishaps, mistakes, mispronunciations, malapropisms, and misunderestimations committed by Dubya and his administration, including: * "You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., January 10, 2006 * "There's a-some of the greatest programs, initiatives come out of our faith-based programs or faith-based churches or synagogues or mosques." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., January 30, 2003 * "The will of the United States can be shaken by suiciders . . . And suiciders who are willing to drive up to a Red Cross center, a center of international help and aid and comfort, and just kill . . . the strategy remains the same. The tactics to respond to more suiciders driving cars will alter on the ground." --George W. Bush, White House, October 28, 2003
A treasury of historical hilarity from the New York Times-bestselling coauthor of America’s Dumbest Criminals! Why exactly is Paul Revere revered when it was Samuel Prescott who made the famous ride? Was the lightbulb really Thomas Edison’s bright idea? Bestselling author and former Saturday Night Live writer Leland Gregory employs his masterful wit to expose historical myths, faux “facts,” strange events, and tales of human stupidity throughout history. You’ll learn that: * Magellan didn’t actually make it around the world * As a member of Parliament, Isaac Newton spoke only once, and it wasn’t exactly a statement of political brilliance for the ages * On April 24, 1898, Spain declared war on the U.S., thus starting the Spanish-American War—and then the U.S. declared war the very next day, but not wanting to be outdone, had the date on the declaration changed from April 25 to April 21 With these and many more stories, Leland Gregory once again highlights the funny side of history.
The former "Saturday Night Live" writer's bestsellers, "America's Dumbest Criminals" and "What's the Number for 911?, " are followed by a new work that captures hilarious tales of idiotic criminals.
The bestselling chronicler of human stupidity shares tales of unruly passengers, dumb drivers, and the people who put the “loco” in locomotive . . . New York Times-bestselling author Leland Gregory presents a riotous collection of the unbelievably bizarre events and behavior that result when people strap themselves in for a ride. Gregory, who has so entertainingly highlighted humanity’s stupidity in the areas of crime, business, love, politics, and more—now turns his attention to idiots on the road, on the rails, and in the air. From mind-boggling insurance claims (“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car”), to the cops who went after an erratic driver and found an iguana at the wheel, to the overweight woman who thought the airline purposely put a tag calling her “FAT” on her luggage (it was the airport code for Fresno), these true stories ranging from the horrifying to the hilarious will have you shaking your head at the misadventures that have occurred as people attempt to get from point A to point B.
Alaskan governor Sarah Palin launched onto the national political scene in 2008 when she was unexpectedly chosen as John McCain's running mate. Soon after, her oratory foibles, shaky stance on political policy, and ignorance of national/world affairs became priceless fodder for journalists and comedians. Now New York Times best-selling human stupidity historian Leland Gregory sets his sights on everyone's favorite rogue hockey-mom in You Betcha! The Witless Wisdom of Sarah Palin. Whether she's bagging on the President at a Tea Party, waging war on Family Guy, or slandering Bristol's ex-beau, one thing's for certain--Sarah Palin loves to be heard. Gregory has hunted down Palin's most cringe-worthy comments, including excerpts from the infamous Katie Couric interview, her acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, and sketchy explanations for her resignation as governor. Death panels, helicopter moose hunting, and all of her magic maverick moments are included in this anthology of photos, quotes, and anecdotal material that is sure to keep readers laughing so hard they'll want to cry.
It's important for people to know that I'm the president of everybody." --President George W. Bush, from Air Force One, January 14, 2005 Who Leland Gregory voted for in the 2004 presidential election is his business. But when George W. Bush won a second term, Gregory had to be doing cartwheels around his computer. The humorist, after all, makes a career of recording human behavior at, let's just say, its less-than-brilliant moments. Bush-Whacked does a thorough job of tracking the president's language mangling as well as the inept bungling of his administration: * "And so during these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings . . ." --GWB at Fort Belvoir, Va., December 21, 2004. * Through bureaucratic mismanagement, parts for a top-secret spy plane, originally intended for destruction, were discovered being auctioned off on eBay. --New York Post * "(T)he illiteracy level of our children are appalling." --GWB, Washington, D.C., January 23, 2004 With his expert nose for nuttiness, Gregory includes numerous perplexing quotes, wacky anecdotes, and weird one-liners in this hysterical collection. This isn't the president at his finest, just Dubya at his funniest.
Over 200 true stories of boneheadedness and buffoonery from the New York Times-bestselling author of Stupid History! Former Saturday Night Live writer Leland Gregory has shown us gray matter-challenged examples in everything from the criminal world to the hallowed halls of government. This time, though, everyone, everywhere is fair game if they've exhibited outrageously stupid behavior. Consider: * The forgetful fireman who left cooking oil on the stove and returned from a call to find the station house burned to the ground * A lung cancer patient who caused an explosion when he lit up a cigarette—in his oxygen tent * A 58-year-old billiards player who was suspended from competition after testing positive for a muscle-building hormone * F. Edward Hebert, chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, who said, “The only way we’ll get a volunteer army is to draft them” Hey Idiot! lets everyone from bosses to public officials, doctors to sports heroes, skewer themselves with their moronic words and actions.
Consider these cases of misdirected human activity, each in the name of science: The Illinois Department of Conservation spent $180,000 to study the contents of owl vomit. Georgia State University psychology professor James Dabbs discovered in 1988 that trial lawyers have about 30 percent more testosterone in their bodies than normal people (regardless of gender). Dabbs stated in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology that high testosterone levels are often linked to aggressiveness and "antisocial behavior." We all knew that lawyers were full of something—now we know it's testosterone. What do stinky cheese and unclean feet have in common? They both attract mosquitoes according to a November 8, 1996 article from Reuters.
911 Dispatch: "911, what's your emergency?" Caller: "What were the winning numbers for the Evening Pick Four today?" Lauded as the "911 poster child" by Katie Couric, former Saturday Night Live writer Leland Gregory takes us back to where the funny all began. From presidential philosophizing and political pandering to foolish felons and office idiots, Leland Gregory generates side-splitting laughter by chronicling the worst of human nature. Gregory takes us back to where all the laughs began by updating his 911 cult classic with more than 150 new tales of bizarre but true 911 calls such as: .911: "Do you know a good stain remover?" .911 Report: Person answered "no" to the question: "Are you conscious?" .911 Report: Man called and requested dispatcher call his wife to let her know he's on his way home and that she shouldn't yell at him.
What's the strangest question employers have been asked during an interview? Among the responses: * What is it you people do at this company? * Why aren't you in a more interesting business? * Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland? * Does you company have a policy regarding concealed weapons? --from Idiots at Work: Chronicles of Workplace Stupidity Leland Gregory once thought crooks, politicians, and lawyers were the greatest nitwits out there, but it turns out that the working masses are packed with the dumb, dumber, and dumbest humans on the face of the planet. Gregory's look at nincompoops, Idiots at Work: Chronicles of Workplace Stupidity, makes it crystal clear that the world's biggest jerks are on the job. Consider these examples: * The woman who sued Eastman Kodak to improve the lighting conditions on her job...in a darkroom? * The Ontario Federation of Labor, which installed a bad boss hotline to get a handle on labor problems--only to have the system crash soon after startup because too many calls came in. * The interviewee who wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Gregory has made a career out of finding the imbeciles of the world and sharing their antics with the rest of us. His AMP humor compilations What's the Number for 911?, What's the Number for 911 Again?, The Stupid Crook Book, and Hey, Idiot! were all hilarious, but Idiots at Work takes the cake. The book is filled with hilarious tales of moronic managers, office idiots, stupid shareholders, daft decision-makers, poor planners, and other outstanding examples of cubical klutzes.
From absurd 911 calls to presidential philosophizing and foolish felons, Leland Gregory generates the best laughs by exposing the worst of human nature. Following up his New York Times best-selling Stupid American History, Gregory sets his sights on the holidays as he exposes mind-numbing mistletoe maladies in Stupid Christmas: Idiots under the Mistletoe. Perhaps it's the spiked eggnog or the multiple family members gathered around crazy-colored, twinkly lights, but the holidays are rife with idiocy by the daft and the dumb. Inside this latest collection, Gregory offers more than 200 accounts of holiday-induced stupidity, including: * While smoke billowed out of the store, firefighters had to physically restrain enthusiastic shoppers from entering a Great Lakes Mall store during an electrical fire. * In 1995, officials debated over whom to invite to the city's Christmas tree ceremony: President Bill Clinton or the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. * As a joke, Andrew Jackson sent formal invitations to his Christmas ball to a well-known mother-and-daughter prostitute team in Salisbury, North Carolina.
From political pandering and clunky criminals to historical hiccups, the jokes, wacky anecdotes, and inane quotes in Leland Gregory’s Stupid-themed anthologies showcase the best of human nature at its worst. In Stupid Sports, Leland now presents more than 200 sports-related idiotic moments featuring stupid sports laws and regulations, quotes, and athlete interactions with the law, fellow teammates, celebrities, and more, such as: “This could ruin my career.” —Darryl Strawberry to Tampa, Florida, police officers after being arrested for solicitation of prostitution and possession of cocaine on April 15, 1999. Featherweight boxer Richard Procter jumped into the ring at the World Sporting Club in London on July 11, 2004, and tossed off his robe to thunderous applause—only to realize he had forgotten his shorts. Fred Lorz finished first in the marathon in the Summer Olympics of 1904. Just before he was handed the gold medal, it was discovered that a car drove him 11 miles of the race.“Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!” —Jerry Coleman, Padres broadcast announcer
100 crazy stories of America's dumbest criminals. WARNING: The crimes you are about to read are true. The names have been changed . . . to protect the ignorant. Here is the ultimate collection of the most incredibly stupid and painfully dumb attempts at crime ever brought together. The woman who invalidated her winning $5,000 lottery ticket by altering it to match the $20 prize number The accused vending-machine thief who paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters The streaking robber who thought clothes would make him more identifiable The convenience store thief who got away with just a hotdog, only to end up in the parking lot choking on the wiener
New York Times"-bestselling author Gregory is silly, shocking, weird, hilariously funny--and outrageously true. Gregory chronicles Greek philosophers, Roman conquerors, and historic myth conceptions.
Faster than you can dial 9-1-1, author Leland Gregory delivers his follow-up to What's the Number for 911 with more real-life calls to the country's emergency operators. What's the Number for 911 Again' answers the urgent call for more of these wacky conversations. "Can you unplug my coffeepot I left on at my house" "Where can I get rid of my Christmas tree" Amazing and hilarious!
From absurd 911 calls to presidential philosophizing to his New York Times best-selling Stupid American History, Leland Gregory generates the best laughs by exposing the worst of human nature. Now, Gregory--sets his sights across the pond to the United Kingdom to skewer Brits, Scots, Irish, and Welsh alike in United Kingdumb: Idiots from the British Isles. In United Kingdumb: Idiots from the British Isles, Gregory turns his eye to countryside Britons, London aristocrats, kilted Scotsmen, leprechaun-loving Irish, and the wily Welsh, all of whom are a breed apart in their affinity for the idiotic and inane. Because the stories Leland chronicles are just that unbelievable, each anecdote, quote, or factoid is presented with relevant background information--including its verified news source.
Seeing the Apocalypse: Essays on Bird Box is the first volume to explore Josh Malerman’s best-selling novel and its recent film adaptation, which broke streaming records and became a cultural touchstone, emerging as a staple in the genre of contemporary horror. The essays in this collection offer an interdisciplinary approach to Bird Box, one that draws on the fields of gender studies, cultural studies, and disability studies. The contributors examine how Bird Box provokes questions about a range of issues including the human body and its existence in the world, the ethical obligations that shape community, and the anxieties arising from technological development. Taken together, the essays of this volume show how a critical examination of Bird Box offers readers a guide for thinking through human experience in our own troubled, apocalyptic times.
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