Laurie Notaro's Books

Housebroken

Admissions of an Untidy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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Housebroken

Admissions of an Untidy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

“If Laurie Notaro’s books don’t inspire pants-wetting fits of laughter, then please consult your physician, because, clearly, your funny bone is broken.”—Jen Lancaster, author of I Regret Nothing #1 New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro isn’t exactly a domestic goddess—unless that means she fully embraces her genetic hoarding predisposition, sneaks peeks at her husband’s daily journal, or has made a list of the people she wants on her Apocalypse Survival team (her husband’s not on it). Notaro chronicles her chronic misfortune in the domestic arts, including cooking, cleaning, and putting on Spanx while sweaty (which should technically qualify as an Olympic sport). Housebroken is a rollicking new collection of essays showcasing her irreverent wit and inability to feel shame. From defying nature in the quest to make her own Twinkies, to begging her new neighbors not to become urban livestock keepers, to teaching her eight-year-old nephew about hoboes, Notaro recounts her best efforts—and hilarious failures—in keeping a household inches away from being condemned. After all, home wasn’t built in a day. Praise for Laurie Notaro “Notaro is a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story.”—The Plain Dealer “Hilarious, fabulously improper, and completely relatable, Notaro is the queen of funny.”—Celia Rivenbark, author of Rude Bitches Make Me Tired “Notaro is direct and self-deprecating, and her disastrous attempts to sew a dress and make jerky treats for her dog are relatable and funny.”—Library Journal

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289

Publisher

Ballantine Books

Published Date

ISBN 10

1101886080

ISBN 13

9781101886083

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “I’ve changed a bit since high school. Back then I said no to using and selling drugs. I washed on a normal basis and still had good credit.” Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends—and that’s before she even puts on a bra. For the past ten years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences. She writes about a world of hourly-wage jobs that require absolutely no skills, a mother who hands down judgments more forcefully than anyone seated on the Supreme Court, horrific high school reunions, and hangovers that leave her surprised that she woke up in the first place. The misadventures of Laurie and her fellow Idiot Girls (“too cool to be in the Smart Group”) unfold in a world that everyone will recognize but no one has ever described so hilariously. She delivers the goods: life as we all know it.

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Page Count

240

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

1588362434

ISBN 13

9781588362438

I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)

True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

By: Laurie Notaro

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I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)

True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

By: Laurie Notaro

Here are more scathingly funny tales from the wild side! Laurie Notaro survived the debauched ride of her twenties and the bumpy road to matrimony. Now she’s ready to take on the thirtysomething years . . . and almost middle age has never been more hilarious. Laurie is married, mortgaged, and now—miraculously—employed in the corporate world, discovering that bosses come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees of mental stability. After maxing out her last good credit card at Banana Republic, she’s dressed for success and ready to face the jungle: surviving feral, six-foot-plus Gretchen (“Three Thousand Faces of Eve”) before battling the overbearing, overstuffed (in way-too-small pants) new mom Suzzi, who ruthlessly cancels Laurie’s newspaper column and learns that payback can be a bitch. Laurie also explores the backstabbing world of preschoolers at a Halloween party, the X-rated madness of a family trip to Disneyland, and the pressure from her QVC-addicted mother and the rest of the world to reproduce. But while losing more friends to babies than to booze, she realizes there’s a plus side: at least for a couple of months she gets to be the thinner friend. I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies) is Laurie Notaro at her deliciously quirky best. Can a woman prone to what her loved ones might term “meltdowns” (she considers them “Opportunities to Enlighten”) put a smile on her face and love everybody? Take a guess.

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242

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Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

158836402X

ISBN 13

9781588364029

We Thought You Would Be Prettier

True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

By: Laurie Notaro

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We Thought You Would Be Prettier

True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

By: Laurie Notaro

She thought she’d have more time. Laurie Notaro figured she had at least a few good years left. But no–it’s happened. She has officially lost her marbles. From the kid at the pet-food store checkout line whose coif is so bizarre it makes her seethe “I’m going to kick his hair’s ass!” to the hapless Sears customer-service rep on the receiving end of her Campaign of Terror, no one is safe from Laurie’s wrath. Her cranky side seems to have eaten the rest of her–inner-thigh Chub Rub and all. And the results are breathtaking. Her riffs on e-mail spam (“With all of these irresistible offers served up to me on a plate, I WANT A PENIS NOW!!”), eBay (“There should be an eBay wading pool, where you can only bid on Precious Moments figurines and Avon products, that you have to make it through before jumping into the deep end”), and the perils of St. Patrick’s Day (“When I’m driving, the last thing I need is a herd of inebriates darting in and out of traffic like loaded chickens”) are the stuff of legend. And for Laurie, it’s all true.

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240

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Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

1588364771

ISBN 13

9781588364777

Autobiography of a Fat Bride

True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

By: Laurie Notaro

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Autobiography of a Fat Bride

True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

By: Laurie Notaro

The author of the New York Times bestseller The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club tackles her biggest challenge yet: grown-up life. In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air-conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony. From her mother's grade-school warning to avoid kids in tie-dyed shirts because their hippie parents spent their food money on drugs and art supplies; to her night-before-the-wedding panic over whether her religion is the one where you step on the glass; to her unfortunate overpreparation for the mandatory drug-screening urine test at work; to her audition as a Playboy centerfold as research for a newspaper story, Autobiography of a Fat Bride has the same zits-and-all candor and outrageous humor that made Idiot Girls an instant cult phenomenon. In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie contemplates family, home improvement, and the horrible tyrannies of cosmetic saleswomen. She finds that life doesn't necessarily get any easier as you get older. But it does get funnier.

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272

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

037576092X

ISBN 13

9780375760921

The Potty Mouth at the Table

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Potty Mouth at the Table

By: Laurie Notaro

From the celebrated author best known for the Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club and described as “the funniest writer in the solar system” (The Miami Herald) comes a new laugh-out-loud collection of essays on rudeness. Pinterest. Foodies. Anne Frank’s underwear. New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro—rightfully hailed as “the funniest writer in the solar system” (The Miami Herald)—spares nothing and no one, least of all herself, in this uproarious new collection of essays on rudeness. With the sardonic, self-deprecating wit that makes us all feel a little better about ourselves for identifying with her, Laurie explores her recent misadventures and explains why it’s not her who is nuts, it’s them (and okay, sometimes it’s her too). Whether confessing that her obsession with buying fabric has reached junior hoarder status or mistaking a friend’s heinous tattoo as temporary, Laurie puts her unique spin—sometimes bizarre, always entertaining—on the many perils of modern living in a mannerless society. From shuddering at the graphic Harry Potter erotica conjured up at a writer’s group to lamenting the sudden ubiquity of quinoa (“It looks like larvae no matter how you cook it”), The Potty Mouth at the Table is whip-smart, unpredictable, and hilarious. In other words, irresistibly Laurie.

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Page Count

308

Publisher

Simon and Schuster

Published Date

ISBN 10

1451659415

ISBN 13

9781451659412

It Looked Different on the Model

Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

By: Laurie Notaro

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It Looked Different on the Model

Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

By: Laurie Notaro

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Everyone’s favorite Idiot Girl, Laurie Notaro, is just trying to find the right fit, whether it’s in the adorable blouse that looks charming on the mannequin but leaves her in a literal bind or in her neighborhood after she’s shamefully exposed at a holiday party by delivering a low-quality rendition of “Jingle Bells.” Notaro makes misstep after riotous misstep as she shares tales of marriage and family, including stories about the dog-bark translator that deciphers Notaro’s and her husband’s own “woofs” a little too accurately, the emails from her mother with “FWD” in the subject line (“which in email code means Forecasting World Destruction”), and the dead-of-night shopping sprees and Devil Dog–devouring monkeyshines of a creature known as “Ambien Laurie.” At every turn, Notaro’s pluck and irresistible candor set the New York Times bestselling author on a journey that’s laugh-out-loud funny and utterly unforgettable.

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223

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0345526317

ISBN 13

9780345526311

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death

Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death

Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

By: Laurie Notaro

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Laurie Notaro has an uncanny ability to attract insanity—and leave readers doubled over with laughter. Need proof? Check out The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death and try not to bust a gut. Join Notaro as she experiences the popular phenomenon of laser hair removal (because at least one of her chins should be stubble-free); bemoans the scourge of the Open Mouth Coughers on America’s airplanes and in similarly congested areas; welcomes the newest ex-con (yay, a sex offender!) to her neighborhood; and watches, against her own better judgment, every Discovery Health Channel special on parasites and tapeworms that has ever aired—resulting in an overwhelming fear that a worm the size of a python will soon come a-knocking on her back door. In Notaro’s world, strangers are stranger than fiction. One must always check the hotel bathroom for hobo hairs and consciously remember not to stare at old men with giant man-boobies. And then there are the lessons she has learned the hard way: Though it may seem like a good idea, it’s best not to hire a tweaked-out homeless guy to clean up your yard. The Plain Dealer says that Laurie Notaro is “a scream, the freak-magnet of a girlfriend you can’t wait to meet for a drink to hear her latest story.” With The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death, Notaro proves she’s not only funny but resigned to the fact that you can’t look bad ass in a Prius. Don’t even try.

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Page Count

242

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

081297574X

ISBN 13

9780812975741

Excuse Me While I Disappear: Tales of Midlife Mayhem

By: Laurie Notaro

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Excuse Me While I Disappear: Tales of Midlife Mayhem

By: Laurie Notaro

A laugh-out-loud spin on the realities, perks, opportunities, and inevitable courses of midlife. Laurie Notaro has proved everyone wrong: she didn't end up in rehab, prison, or cremated at a tender age. She just went gray. At past fifty, every hair's root is a symbol of knowledge (she knows how to use a landline), experience (she rode in a car with no seat belts), and superpowers (a gray-haired lady can get away with anything). Though navigating midlife is initially upsetting--the cracking noises coming from her new old body, receiving regular junk mail from mortuaries--Laurie accepts it. And then some. With unintentional abandon, she shoplifts a bag of russet potatoes. Heckles a rude driver from her beat-up Prius. And engages in epic trolling on Nextdoor.com. That, says Laurie, is the brilliance of growing older. With each passing day, you lose an equivalent amount of fear. And the #1 New York Times bestselling author has never been so fearlessly funny as she is in this empowering, candid, and enlightening memoir about living life on the other side of fifty.

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Page Count

256

Publisher

Little a

Published Date

ISBN 10

1542033500

ISBN 13

9781542033503

The Post Office Lady with the Dragon Tattoo

An Essay

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Post Office Lady with the Dragon Tattoo

An Essay

By: Laurie Notaro

I had been dreading this day for more than a year. Everyone’s favorite Idiot Girl, Laurie Notaro, is very close to wearing out her welcome in her hometown of Eugene, Oregon. Just a year ago, she was eighty-sixed from the local satellite post office for buying too many two-cent stamps (“The post office lady looked at me like I had just asked her if she wanted to buy my sex tape”). Now Notaro, needing to send an important care package to her nephew, returns to the scene of the non-crime—which is located inside a drugstore that is stocked with everything from Hello Kitty trinkets to fake poo to “the largest collection of aging candy on the West Coast.” Will the post office lady who banned her the first time around kick her to the curb, or will Laurie use her Idiot Girl wiles to work her way back into the Mean Lady’s good graces? In this hilarious story, New York Times bestselling author Laurie Notaro’s signature pluck and irresistible candor are on full display and will have you laughing out loud.

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Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0345529073

ISBN 13

9780345529077

Crossing the Horizon

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

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Crossing the Horizon

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

In 1927, three women, including the daughter of an earl, a former cigar girl-turned-society darling, and a beauty pageant contestant, all vie to be the first woman to fly across the Atlantic.

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480

Publisher

Simon and Schuster

Published Date

ISBN 10

1501160494

ISBN 13

9781501160493

There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell

A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

By: Laurie Notaro

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There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell

A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

By: Laurie Notaro

The first novel from the New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club is a rollicking tale of small-town peculiarity, dark secrets, and one extraordinary beauty pageant. When her husband is offered a post at a small university, Maye is only too happy to pack up and leave the relentless Phoenix heat for the lush green quietude of Spaulding, Washington. While she loves the odd little town, there is one thing she didn’t anticipate: just how heartbreaking it would be leaving her friends behind. And when you’re a childless thirtysomething freelance writer who works at home, making new friends can be quite a challenge. After a series of false starts nearly gets her exiled from town, Maye decides that her last chance to connect with her new neighbors is to enter the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders. Aided by a deranged former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye doesn’t just make a splash, she uncovers a sinister mystery that has haunted the town for decades. “[Laurie Notaro] may be the funniest writer in this solar system.”—The Miami Herald

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Page Count

320

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0812975723

ISBN 13

9780812975727

I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)

True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

By: Laurie Notaro

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I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)

True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl

By: Laurie Notaro

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242

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Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

158836402X

ISBN 13

9781588364029

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club

True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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240

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0375760911

ISBN 13

9780375760914

Housebroken

Admissions of an Untidy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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Housebroken

Admissions of an Untidy Life

By: Laurie Notaro

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Page Count

289

Publisher

Ballantine Books

Published Date

ISBN 10

1101886080

ISBN 13

9781101886083

Autobiography of a Fat Bride

True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

By: Laurie Notaro

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Autobiography of a Fat Bride

True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

By: Laurie Notaro

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272

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

1588362442

ISBN 13

9781588362445

We Thought You Would Be Prettier

True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

By: Laurie Notaro

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We Thought You Would Be Prettier

True Tales of the Dorkiest Girl Alive

By: Laurie Notaro

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240

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0812969014

ISBN 13

9780812969016

The Post Office Lady with the Dragon Tattoo

An Essay

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Post Office Lady with the Dragon Tattoo

An Essay

By: Laurie Notaro

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Villard

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ISBN 10

0345529073

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9780345529077

It Looked Different on the Model

Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

By: Laurie Notaro

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It Looked Different on the Model

Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

By: Laurie Notaro

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223

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Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0345526317

ISBN 13

9780345526311

Civic Politics in the Rome of Urban VIII

By: Laurie Nussdorfer

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Civic Politics in the Rome of Urban VIII

By: Laurie Nussdorfer

In this colorful depiction of daily political life in Baroque Rome, Laurie Nussdorfer argues that the lay persons managed to sustain a civic government under the increased papal absolutism of Urban VIII (1623-1644), who oversaw both sacred and secular life. Focusing on the S.P.Q.R. (the Senate and the Roman People), which was ministered from the capitoline Hill, she shows that it provided political representation for lay members of the urban elite, carried out the work of local government, and served as a symbol of the Roman voice in public life. Through a detailed study of how civic authorities derived their sense of legitimacy and how lay subjects maneuvered in informal and disguised ways to block or criticize the papal regime, the author advances a new way of conceiving politics under an absolute ruler. As Nussdorfer analyzes the complex interactions between the lay administration and Urban VIII and his family, the papal administration, and Romans of the upper and lower classes, she also provides fresh insights into the actual practice of early modern government. She takes the plague threat of the early 1630s, the War of Castro (1641-1644), and the interregnum following the pope's death as important test cases of the state's power in times of crisis. Laurie Nussdorfer is Assistant Professor of History and Letters at Wesleyan University. Originally published in 1992. The Princeton Legacy Library uses the latest print-on-demand technology to again make available previously out-of-print books from the distinguished backlist of Princeton University Press. These editions preserve the original texts of these important books while presenting them in durable paperback and hardcover editions. The goal of the Princeton Legacy Library is to vastly increase access to the rich scholarly heritage found in the thousands of books published by Princeton University Press since its founding in 1905.

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308

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Princeton University Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

0691656355

ISBN 13

9780691656359

Brokers of Public Trust

Notaries in Early Modern Rome

By: Laurie Nussdorfer

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Brokers of Public Trust

Notaries in Early Modern Rome

By: Laurie Nussdorfer

This magisterial new work brings fresh insight into the essential functions of early modern Roman society and the development of the modern state.

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Page Count

369

Publisher

JHU Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

080189204X

ISBN 13

9780801892042

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creative Writing

By: Laurie Rozakis

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creative Writing

By: Laurie Rozakis

A fifty percent revision of a popular Complete Idiot's Guide that now, more than ever, offers readers a thorough, creative writing class in a book, with Dr. Laurie Rozakis as their teacher. The book is refocused to more of an academic approach. Readers can begin to unlock their creativity from the first page, with fabulous exercises that help them explore their talents and experiment with different genres and forms of writing, including: • •Short stories •Narrative nonfiction •Memoirs •Magazine articles •Poetry •Drama •Blogging and freewriting

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Page Count

388

Publisher

Penguin

Published Date

ISBN 10

1592572065

ISBN 13

9781592572069

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death

Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

By: Laurie Notaro

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The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death

Reflections on Revenge, Germophobia, and Laser Hair Removal

By: Laurie Notaro

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242

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

081297574X

ISBN 13

9780812975741

Spooky Little Girl

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

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Spooky Little Girl

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

Death is what happens while you’re busy making other plans. Coming home from a Hawaiian vacation with her best girlfriends, Lucy Fisher is stunned to find everything she owns tossed out on her front lawn, the locks changed, and her fiancé’s phone disconnected—plus she’s just lost her job. With her world spinning wildly out of her control, Lucy decides to make a new start and moves upstate to live with her sister and nephew. But then things take an even more dramatic turn: A fatal encounter with public transportation lands Lucy not in the hereafter but in the nearly hereafter. She’s back in school, learning the parameters of spooking and how to become a successful spirit in order to complete a ghostly assignment. If Lucy succeeds, she’s guaranteed a spot in the next level of the afterlife—but until then, she’s stuck as a ghost in the last place she would ever want to be. Trying to avoid being trapped on earth for all eternity, Lucy crosses the line between life and death and back again when she returns home. Navigating the perilous channels of the paranormal, she’s determined to find out why her life crumbled and why, despite her ghastly death, no one seems to have noticed she’s gone. But urgency on the spectral plane—in the departed person of her feisty grandmother, who is risking both their eternal lives—requires attention, and Lucy realizes that you get only one chance to be spectacular in death.

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322

Publisher

Villard

Published Date

ISBN 10

0345519728

ISBN 13

9780345519726

Crossing the Horizon

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

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Crossing the Horizon

A Novel

By: Laurie Notaro

In 1927, three women, including the daughter of an earl, a former cigar girl-turned-society darling, and a beauty pageant contestant, all vie to be the first woman to fly across the Atlantic.

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Page Count

480

Publisher

Simon and Schuster

Published Date

ISBN 10

1501160494

ISBN 13

9781501160493

Laurie Anderson

By: RoseLee Goldberg

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Laurie Anderson

By: RoseLee Goldberg

Laurie Anderson is an acclaimed and innovative performance artist. This book explores every aspect of her work and career. It illuminates her creative process, interests in storytelling and technology, and the social and political contexts.

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Page Count

204

Published Date

ISBN 10

0500019932

ISBN 13

9780500019931

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