The widely celebrated, research-based marital therapy program—now updated and revised. The highly influential book The Marriage Clinic presented a complete marital therapy program based on John Gottman’s much-heralded research on marital success and failure. Since then, Dr. Gottman has collaborated with his wife, clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Gottman, to conduct their well-known Love Lab studies, allowing the pair to design a highly successful couples’ workshop and develop their Sound Relationship House theory. Now, in the book’s first-ever revision, Dr. Gottman and Dr. Gottman incorporate the results of their studies and their most powerful interventions. In addition to its original, celebrated marital therapy program, The New Marriage Clinic includes findings on the dynamics of same-sex couples, interventions for couples recovering from situational domestic violence, strategies for couples rebuilding their marriages after an affair, and much more. No relational therapist’s bookshelf is complete without this vital update to the groundbreaking guide on marital therapy.
Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, so Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages. This book is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward in their approach, yet profound in their effect, these principles teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Being thoughtful about ordinary matters provides spouses with a solid foundation for resolving conflict when it does occur and finding strategies for living with those issues that cannot be resolved. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the result of Dr. John Gottman's many years of closely observing thousands of marriages. This kind of longitudinal research has never been done before. Based on his findings, he has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage. Maintain a love map. Foster fondness and admiration. Turn toward instead of away. Accept influence. Solve solvable conflicts. Cope with conflicts you can't resolve. Create shared meaning. Dr. Gottman's unique questionnaires and exercises will guide couples on the road to revitalizing their marriage, or making a strong one even better.
Gottman compares his clinic to a restaurant, where clients are offered a menu of treatment formats, from psychoeducation for specific issues to extended therapy to repair a badly damaged marital friendship. Therapists, too, can choose among the questionnaires and strategies those that fit the needs of particular couples."--BOOK JACKET.
From the country’s foremost relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. Gottman provides the tools you need to make your relationships thrive. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman: - Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection” - Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection - Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids - And more! Packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises developed in his therapy, The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all of the relationships in your life.
John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned for bringing an evidence base to couples therapy, report here the results of a second empirical revolution in understanding couples and families. This change is not based on their guesswork, but on state-of-the-art science. This book finally completes the old general systems theory of the 1960s, which metaphorically described processes but did not actually research them. A new general systems theory and therapy is presented here, one which will have profound implications for powerful clinical work with both couples and families. This new theory is based on 45 years of careful basic scientific research with thousands of couples and families, including synchronized observational, interview, physiological, and questionnaire data. The Gottmans have studied some families for as long as 20 consecutive years. Their work has led to their highly replicated ability to precisely predict the future of relationships, relationship happiness, and whether couples will divorce or not with as much as 94% accuracy. Their empirical work has also led them to develop and test a theory of specifically what makes relationships work. Each construct in this theory is precise and measurable and it is all written about and described here. This book presents an original new way of understanding relationships and families. Both theoretical and highly practical, and it will help clinicians become more effective in their everyday work.
An eminent therapist explains what makes couples compatible and how to sustain a happy marriage. For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship. Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times. Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient. This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.
Divorce rates are at an all-time high. But without a theoretical understanding of the processes related to marital stability and dissolution, it is difficult to design and evaluate new marriage interventions. The Mathematics of Marriage provides the foundation for a scientific theory of marital relations. The book does not rely on metaphors, but develops and applies a mathematical model using difference equations. The work is the fulfillment of the goal to build a mathematical framework for the general system theory of families first suggested by Ludwig Von Bertalanffy in the 1960s.The book also presents a complete introduction to the mathematics involved in theory building and testing, and details the development of experiments and models. In one "marriage experiment," for example, the authors explored the effects of lowering or raising a couple's heart rates. Armed with their mathematical model, they were able to do real experiments to determine which processes were affected by their interventions. Applying ideas such as phase space, null clines, influence functions, inertia, and uninfluenced and influenced stable steady states (attractors), the authors show how other researchers can use the methods to weigh their own data with positive and negative weights. While the focus is on modeling marriage, the techniques can be applied to other types of psychological phenomena as well.
From the country’s leading couple therapist duo, a practical guide to what makes it all work. In 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, two of the world’s leading couple researchers and therapists give readers an inside tour of what goes on inside the consulting rooms of their practice. They have been doing couples work for decades and still find it challenging and full of learning experiences. This book distills the knowledge they've gained over their years of practice into ten principles at the core of good couples work. Each principle is illustrated with a clinically compiled case plus personal side-notes and storytelling. Topics addressed include: • You know that you need to “treat the relationship,” but how are you supposed to get at something as elusive as “a relationship”? • How do you empathize with both clients if they have opposite points of view? Later on, if they end up separating does that mean you’ve failed? Are you only successful if you keep couples together? • Compared to an individual client, a relationship is an entirely different animal. What should you do first? What should you look for? What questions should you ask? If clients give different answers, who should you believe? • What are you supposed to do with all the emotional and personal history that your clients stir up in you? • How can you make your work research-based? No one who works with couples will want to be without the insight, guidance, and strategies offered in this book.
The widely celebrated, research-based marital therapy program—now updated and revised. The highly influential book The Marriage Clinic presented a complete marital therapy program based on John Gottman’s much-heralded research on marital success and failure. Since then, Dr. Gottman has collaborated with his wife, clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Gottman, to conduct their well-known Love Lab studies, allowing the pair to design a highly successful couples’ workshop and develop their Sound Relationship House theory. Now, in the book’s first-ever revision, Dr. Gottman and Dr. Gottman incorporate the results of their studies and their most powerful interventions. In addition to its original, celebrated marital therapy program, The New Marriage Clinic includes findings on the dynamics of same-sex couples, interventions for couples recovering from situational domestic violence, strategies for couples rebuilding their marriages after an affair, and much more. No relational therapist’s bookshelf is complete without this vital update to the groundbreaking guide on marital therapy.
Gottman compares his clinic to a restaurant, where clients are offered a menu of treatment formats, from psychoeducation for specific issues to extended therapy to repair a badly damaged marital friendship. Therapists, too, can choose among the questionnaires and strategies those that fit the needs of particular couples."--BOOK JACKET.
An eminent therapist explains what makes couples compatible and how to sustain a happy marriage. For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship. Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times. Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient. This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.
In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, marital psychologists John and Julie Gottman provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track. Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.
Mothers and infants exchanging gleeful vocalizations, married couples discussing their problems, children playing, birds courting and monkeys fighting have this in common: their interactions with others unfold over time. Almost anyone who is interested can observe and describe such phenomena. But usually scientists demand more. They want observations that are replicable and amenable to scientific analysis, while still faithful to the dynamics of the phenomena studied. This book provides a straightforward introduction to scientific methods for observing social behavior. Because of the importance of time in the dynamics of social interaction, sequential approaches to analyzing and understanding social behavior are emphasized. An advanced knowledge of statistical analysis is not required. Instead, the authors present fundamental concepts and offer practical advice.
Adapted from Dr. John Gottman's Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, this book helps adults identify their parenting and care giving style. It explains the five important steps in "emotion coaching" children to ensure that children are guided to healthy emotional growth. Gottman argues that kids who can accept and share their emotions form stronger friendships, achieve more in school, recover from emotional crises more quickly, and are physically healthier. Beautiful illustrations of parents and children help convey the vital message of this guide.
Marvel at the neuroscientific reasons why smart teens make dumb decisions! Behold the mind-controlling power of executive function! Thrill to a vision of a better school for the teenage brain! Whether you're a parent interacting with one adolescent or a teacher interacting with many, you know teens can be hard to parent and even harder to teach. The eye-rolling, the moodiness, the wandering attention, the drama. It's not you, it's them. More specifically, it's their brains. In accessible language and with periodic references to Star Trek, motorcycle daredevils, and near-classic movies of the '80s, developmental molecular biologist John Medina, author of the New York Times best-seller Brain Rules, explores the neurological and evolutionary factors that drive teenage behavior and can affect both achievement and engagement. Then he proposes a research-supported counterattack: a bold redesign of educational practices and learning environments to deliberately develop teens' cognitive capacity to manage their emotions, plan, prioritize, and focus. Attack of the Teenage Brain! is an enlightening and entertaining read that will change the way you think about teen behavior and prompt you to consider how else parents, educators, and policymakers might collaborate to help our challenging, sometimes infuriating, often weird, and genuinely wonderful kids become more successful learners, in school and beyond.
John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned for bringing an evidence base to couples therapy, report here the results of a second empirical revolution in understanding couples and families. This change is not based on their guesswork, but on state-of-the-art science. This book finally completes the old general systems theory of the 1960s, which metaphorically described processes but did not actually research them. A new general systems theory and therapy is presented here, one which will have profound implications for powerful clinical work with both couples and families. This new theory is based on 45 years of careful basic scientific research with thousands of couples and families, including synchronized observational, interview, physiological, and questionnaire data. The Gottmans have studied some families for as long as 20 consecutive years. Their work has led to their highly replicated ability to precisely predict the future of relationships, relationship happiness, and whether couples will divorce or not with as much as 94% accuracy. Their empirical work has also led them to develop and test a theory of specifically what makes relationships work. Each construct in this theory is precise and measurable and it is all written about and described here. This book presents an original new way of understanding relationships and families. Both theoretical and highly practical, and it will help clinicians become more effective in their everyday work.
Divorce rates are at an all-time high. But without a theoretical understanding of the processes related to marital stability and dissolution, it is difficult to design and evaluate new marriage interventions. The Mathematics of Marriage provides the foundation for a scientific theory of marital relations. The book does not rely on metaphors, but develops and applies a mathematical model using difference equations. The work is the fulfillment of the goal to build a mathematical framework for the general system theory of families first suggested by Ludwig Von Bertalanffy in the 1960s.The book also presents a complete introduction to the mathematics involved in theory building and testing, and details the development of experiments and models. In one "marriage experiment," for example, the authors explored the effects of lowering or raising a couple's heart rates. Armed with their mathematical model, they were able to do real experiments to determine which processes were affected by their interventions. Applying ideas such as phase space, null clines, influence functions, inertia, and uninfluenced and influenced stable steady states (attractors), the authors show how other researchers can use the methods to weigh their own data with positive and negative weights. While the focus is on modeling marriage, the techniques can be applied to other types of psychological phenomena as well.
From the country’s leading couple therapist duo, a practical guide to what makes it all work. In 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, two of the world’s leading couple researchers and therapists give readers an inside tour of what goes on inside the consulting rooms of their practice. They have been doing couples work for decades and still find it challenging and full of learning experiences. This book distills the knowledge they've gained over their years of practice into ten principles at the core of good couples work. Each principle is illustrated with a clinically compiled case plus personal side-notes and storytelling. Topics addressed include: • You know that you need to “treat the relationship,” but how are you supposed to get at something as elusive as “a relationship”? • How do you empathize with both clients if they have opposite points of view? Later on, if they end up separating does that mean you’ve failed? Are you only successful if you keep couples together? • Compared to an individual client, a relationship is an entirely different animal. What should you do first? What should you look for? What questions should you ask? If clients give different answers, who should you believe? • What are you supposed to do with all the emotional and personal history that your clients stir up in you? • How can you make your work research-based? No one who works with couples will want to be without the insight, guidance, and strategies offered in this book.
Using the concept of “civility” as the major theme, this fully updated second edition offers a unique and alternative way to teach and learn about communication. The book brings together discrete areas that explore the fundamentals of communication and intrapersonal communication, interpersonal communication, small group communication, and public speaking. Every chapter includes theories, concepts, and examples that allow students to use civil and ethical communication skills in their personal relationships, in collaboration with colleagues, and in giving public speeches and professional presentations. This new edition highlights advances in and concepts related to mediated and technology-based communication, such as chatbots, technostress, and dating apps, and shows how students can engage in civil face-to-face and mediated interaction. Additionally, each chapter includes a real-world incident that students are asked to analyze in terms of specific chapter information and skills related to civility. Communication in a Civil Society is an ideal textbook for Introduction to Communication, Interpersonal Communication, and Public Speaking courses. Materials for instructors including PowerPoint slides, a test bank, and an instructor’s manual, are available at www.routledge.com/9781032513263.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • LEARN THE 5 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL COUPLES Conflict is the top reason couples seek help—but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world’s leading relationship scientists and authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates. “An indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone How we fight predicts the future of our relationships. Most of us blunder into conflict without knowing what we are really fighting about and then quickly become overwhelmed by physiological responses we can’t control and emotions we don’t anticipate. The truth is the happiest and most successful couples fight—all the time. Conflict is human, and necessary. Through decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, have identified the five common mistakes we make when we are at odds. In Fight Right, we learn the five secrets that help us to get back on track and harness conflict to build stronger, healthier relationships. With kindness, clarity, and a deep understanding of the struggles couples are going through, the Gottmans show us that we each have a unique conflict culture, borne of how we were raised and how we experienced past relationships, and they take us through all the possible combinations, from Avoiders, to Validators, to Volatiles, and how they can best work together. Fight Right is an essential resource that will help couples escape the win-or-lose mentality in favor of a collaborative approach: calming down, staying connected, and really understanding, so that our fights can bring us closer.
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “This book feels so hopeful because it’s direct, it’s really honest, and it’s so actionable.” —Brene Brown From New York Times–bestselling authors Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a simple yet powerful plan to transform your relationship in seven days What makes love last? Why does one couple stay together forever, while another falls apart? And most importantly, is there a scientific formula for love? Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman are the world’s leading relationship scientists. For the past forty years, they have been studying love. They’ve gathered data on over three thousand couples, looking at everything from their body language to the way they converse to their stress hormone levels. Their goal: to identify the building blocks of love. The Love Prescription distills their life’s work into a bite-size, seven-day action plan with easy, immediately actionable steps. There will be no grand gestures and no big, hard conversations. There’s nothing to buy or do to prepare. Anyone can do this, from any starting point. The seven-day prescription will lead you through these exercises: Day 1: Make Contact Day 2: Ask a Big Question Day 3: Say Thank You Day 4: Give a Real Compliment Day 5: Ask for What You Need Day 6: Reach Out and Touch Day 7: Declare a Date Night There is a formula for a good relationship, and this book will show you how a few small changes can fundamentally transform your relationship for the better.
From the country’s foremost relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. Gottman provides the tools you need to make your relationships thrive. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman: - Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection” - Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection - Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids - And more! Packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises developed in his therapy, The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all of the relationships in your life.
Congratulations! You have a new baby. Don’t forget you also have a marriage. Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio. In And Baby Makes Three, Love Lab™ experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills needed to maintain healthy marriages, so partners can avoid the pitfalls of parenthood by: • Focusing on intimacy and romance • Replacing an atmosphere of criticism and irritability with one of appreciation • Preventing postpartum depression • Creating a home environment that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental health, as well as cognitive and behavioral development for your baby Complete with exercises that separate the “master” from the “disaster” couples, And Baby Makes Three helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.
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