So there you are, gorgeous, gifted and a brain the size of a planet and what do you have to put up with? Idiots, morons and people so ugly they ought to have a license to go outside. What should you do? Smile sweetly and put up with them? Gaze into the middle distance and talk about the weather? No. Put them right, sort them out and let them know where they really stand in the food chain of life. Pick any of the pithy put-downs in this little book and you'll never need to be nice to anyone ever again. This Little Book of Abuse: for life's little annoyances.... and their parents. 'The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead' 'Next time you cross the road, don't look' 'Of course you're special. You went to a special school right?
You've got clowns to the left of you, jokers to the right and you're stuck in the middle unable to shut them up. Well now you can with all the put-doen lines and smart comebacks in this book. If you're all stressed out and you've no one to choke, pick a line and use it next time you feel like you're just flypaper for freaks. You'll find put-downs for men: 'I'm not your type. I have a pulse'; put-downs for women: 'Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?', and put-downs for any fool using up your air on this planet: ' I don't know what your problem is, but I'II bet it's hard to pronounce'. Warning: Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
Jasmine Birtles tells readers everything they need to know about making money and keeping it. It combines secrets of thinking rich with practical advice and tips and will appeal to people with varying financial acumen.
Banks make their money from our money; it's the nature of their business. They profit from our ignorance by selling us 'products' we don't actually need and have a vested interest in keeping us in the dark. Jasmine's no-nonsense, practical advice will help you to: - Make the most of your savings and watch your money grow - Get free money from the government by using up your ISA allowance - Pay off your mortgage quickly, even though the banks don't want you to - Invest in stocks and shares the cheap and easy way - Ensure a safe and profitable retirement by choosing the right pension So, it's time to fire your bank manager, beat the banks at their own game and ensure the profits end up in your pocket, not theirs!
From J-Lo to Kylie, the arse is now subject to scrutiny as never before. This mini book includes celebrity arses, bum pick-up lines, a history of great and worthy arses, the best bum jokes ever, and much much more.
This is an A-Z book of aphorisms and words of wisdom covering man and how to use him. This handy handbag-sized manual will provide women with prompts and advice in almost every situation in which they encounter the chromosonally challenged.
Jasmine Birtles believes that anyone can be better off, she just needs to show you how... Packed full of practical financial advice and brilliant money-saving ideas, The Money Magpie shows you how to spend less, make more and invest what's left over, even in hard times. Based on this key idea, Jasmine tells you how to: - be the King or Queen of cash by getting the best deals on utilities, credit cards and food - assess and manage your finances with clear, easy-to-follow techniques - make more money instantly using what you have already - work out a long term plan for increasing wealth that fits into your lifestyle With handy links to Jasmine's fast-growing website www.moneymagpie.com, and the use of self-assessment quizzes, brilliantly simple advice and ideas that mould around the way you live, The Money Magpie will teach you how to be rich, whatever your situation.
This book should answer that perennial question: What did she/he really mean when they said Written by seasoned comedy authors Jasmine Birtles and Mark Blake, this hilarious book will mean that never again are you left in the dark When she says: Lets be friends, what she means is: Get the hell out of my life. When he says I feel comfortable with you, what he really means is You're ugly.
Forget Chick Lit. This is Chick Wit. Here is a brand new collection of quotations from some of today’s sassiest women. Outspoken and outrageous, witty and wise, brash and brazen, these feisty females have a view on everything—and they want to share it. From sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, to work and motherhood, money and fashion, and, of course, men and relationships, Chick Wit is packed with classic one-liners.
Only a sister relationship can randomly swing from best mate to raging hate. Deep down you know you can rely on each other, but still can't forgive the spilling of red plonk down your best white top. You are also proud of the other's achievements, but can't resist the odd catty remark about fat, spots, and ugly ex-boyfriends.
With programmes like Big Brother making celebrities out of complete nobodys there's never been a better time to write a book about how to be a celebrity. This book shows you how to be famous for being famous, and love yourself a little along the way.
Ever been caught with your trousers down (literally or metaphorically) and needed a good excuse? Look no further, A Little Book of Excuses will have excuses to cover every situation: 'I can't come in to work today because I'm stalking my ex-boss who fired me for not showing up for work.' 'I've used up all my sick days... so I'm calling in dead.' 'She meant nothing to me.... other than a night of wild passion that i will remember to the end of my days and against which i will measure all other women.
This is a humorous look at the trials and tribulations of being a mother. It imparts such wisdom as, "You know you've been a successful mother if your grown-up children earn enough to pay for their own counseling.
This book is full of amusing advice for all brothers. Learn to see that your habit of nose-picking, possessive attitude to the remote control, and constant winding up of other siblings is not endearing. Face the fact that while your little sister's friends may think you're cool, they still prefer the singing, dancing, and looks of Boyzone, Five, and Westlife.
Feeling run down? Need a boost to put some sparkle into your life? Want to discover the key to feeling refreshed, invigorated and full of energy? Well you won't find it in this book. Bollox Detox doesn't have the answers to your questions about life, the universe and cellulite. Nor will it show you how to achieve immortality through humming or how to learn to love your inner lizard. But it will make you laugh and save you money on the the latest fad diet. Remember, inside every thin woman is a fat one dying to get at the chocolate cake. * Don't go on a twenty-eight day diet. All you lose is four weeks. * Try the Marlon Brando diet - you're not allowed to eat more than one species into extinction per day. * DIY colonic irrigation: two chicken vindaloos and a photo of Anne Widdecombe.
This is a book for long-suffering parents. It is for mothers who have found out the hard way that child-care is learned from the bottom up, and fathers who know that insanity is hereditary—you learn it from your children.
Lizzie has finally gotten the courage to ask Ethan Craft to the school's Sadie Hawkins Dance. But when he tells Lizzie he thinks of her as "just a friend," Lizzie does what any teenage girl with a heart-wrenching crush would do-she sets out to change his mind! Plus, Gordo agrees to tutor Ethan in math, but when Lizzie insists on helping, it adds up to driving him crazy!
Chaque roman de cette collection, adapté de la télésérie américaine, propose une histoire légère mettant en scène Lizzie McGuire, une adolescente sympathique. On la suit dans ses relations familiales, amoureuses, amicales, dans ses joies et mésaventures. Dans cet épisode, Lizzie obtient un contrat de mannequin qui a des répercussions sur sa vie sociale. Détente. [SDM].
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