Step into new worlds and read news dispatches from the Alternate Reality News Service, which regularly gets the scoop on The Associated Press, Reuters and the rest of the competition. In a series of articles written by the wire service's handpicked reporters, you'll read satirical reports that give glimpses into the relationship between humanity, technology and Robert Novak's eyebrows. Who would have ever thought that an intelligent undershirt could be the key witness in a murder trial? Or that a man could possibly be sued by his lover for not lying about himself online? Or that a computer chip could be implanted into the brains of criminals so that every time they thought about committing a heinous deed, they sang a show tune? If this is all news to you, then you must not be a subscriber. By changing that, you can read about all the above and more, including: How journalists can be retrieved from an alternate reality How you, too, can become an Alternate Reality News Service reporter The origin of the company And much more! Just open the cover and start reading. It's time to accept that Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used to Be.
Two years after the discovery that Earth Prime 4-6-4-0-8-9 dash Omega is in imminent danger of collapse, the Transdimensional Authority has helped hundreds of millions… well, millions… okay, a lot of aliens immigrate to Earth Prime. How’s that working out? Rodney Pendleton, the first alien to make the move, is now a tech millionaire (hover technology is wildly popular – who knew?). Wainwright Walsh, lead singer for The Occidental Tourists (ask your parents… or, maybe your grandparents), puts together an all-star band to raise funds for a foundation to help the aliens adjust to their new home. But all is not beat yas and scream on Earth Prime. An investigation into the first murder of an alien being leads to an anti-alien protest group, revealing a dark, speciesist strain of human emotion. And a different investigation into the disappearance of aliens in Latin America reveals a dark, greedy strain of human emotion. It turns out, some problems cannot be solved by the swift, unexpected application of pie! Cover artwork by Hugh Spencer
This hilarious science-fiction comedy novel follows the first case for Noomi Rapier, rookie investigator with The Transdimensional Authority - the organisation that regulates travel between dimensions. When a dead body is found slumped over a modified transdimensional machine, Noomi and her more experienced partner, Crash Chumley, must find the dead man's accomplices and discover what they were doing with the technology. Their investigation leads them to a variety of realities where Noomi comes face-to-face with four very different incarnations of herself, forcing her to consider how the choices she makes and the circumstances into which she is born determine who she is. Ira Nayman's new novel is both an hilarious romp through multiple dimensions in a variety of alternate realities, and a gentle satire on fate, ambition and expectation. Welcome to the Multiverse (Sorry for the Inconvenience) will appeal to comedy fans who have been bereft of much good science-fiction fare these last eleven years. Ira's style is at times surreal, even off-the-wall, with the humour flying at you from unexpected angles; he describes it as fractal humour. Anyone who has read his Alternate Reality News Service stories will know how funny Ira is. The characters we meet from around the multiverse deserve to become firm favourites with all fans of science fiction comedy.
The fourth book of Ira Nayman’s increasingly improperly named Transdimensional Authority series (really, would it have killed him to plan the series more in advance? George R. R. Martin planned the first 137 books in his series – it will take more generations in his family to write than the books themselves actually chronicle – before he wrote a single word, and everybody knows where they stand with him), features Time Agency agent Radames Trafshanian. When she’s not trying to impress her good friend in the Transdimensional Authority, her very special friend, if you know what we mean (and, if you do, could you please tell us, because we’re not entirely certain…), Radames is busy trying to solve crimes against time (that is, crimes that are themselves against time, not trying to solve them against time – she’s not on the clock… well, she sort of is, but you know what we mean don’t you. You don’t? Well then, you’ll have to read It’s Just the Chronosphere Unfolding as it Should to find out). In this novel, which is not nearly as parenthetical as the previous sentence may have led you to believe, we accompany Radames on her latest case, followed by her previous case (time travel’s like that) and on the way we find out much more about the origin of the Time Agency itself and why it’s organised like a Library, which is very timely (see what we did there?). Featuring guest appearances by Noomi Rapier, Elvis Presley and Margaret Atwo–.
Not All Alarm Bells Are In Your Head At the end of You Can’t Kill the Multiverse (But You Can Mess With its Head), Doctor Alhambra, the chief scientist of the Transdimensional Authority, set up an alarm to warn him if a universe is succumbing to the universe-killing machine that is at the heart of the story. But how would the Transdimensional Authority respond if that alarm went off? In Good Intentions, the first book in the Multiverse Refugees Trilogy, but also the sixth Transdimensional Authority novel, we find out. In the process we not only meet the most unusual refugees in fiction (probably), learn what Noomi Rapier’s brother does (and with whom), revisit Dingle Dell, and finally discover what happened to chapter seventeen of The Multiverse is a Nice Place to Visit But I Wouldn’t Want to Live There. Visit bit.ly/GoodIntentions-IraNayman Cover artwork by Hugh Spencer
If you don't read "Luna for the Lunies!," you will miss the following: This is the future: an Apple Records logo stamped on the cheek of humanity...forever. Proper attribution format in news articles must be maintained. This is what separates us from the animals! When everybody looks like they are starving, true starvation becomes kitsch. "Have we learned nothing from the GEU UME?" "Y"' ''''d't ''''''' h'' b'' '' ca' g''," v'' W'''y s'''. "I doubleplusunhate you. I doubleplusunhate you with all my heart!" "As we say in the company's executive colouring book: Extremism in the pursuit of violent vices is no liberty." After you've slept with a comedian, there are no depths to which people won't believe you can sink. "As happy as a herd of flutzes. Trips off the tongue, doesn't it?" Of course, you won't miss any of this because you just read it. Here. In the description of the book. But, you will miss other things that are almost as good. Like, context. So...there.
In the fifth novel in Ira Nayman’s Multiverse series (aka the Transdimensional Authority series, which is misleading because book four in the series was mostly about the Time Agency – honestly, if you blinked, you would have missed the appearance of the Transdimensional Authority, and if you didn’t blink, well, Elsewhen Press accepts no responsibility for the cost of the surgery to rehydrate your eyes), we once again follow the intricate web of events that unfold in a Transdimensional Authority investigation (oh! – so we could have stayed with the other series name after all – it’s not easy keeping track when these sentences can be the size of a Sherman tank!). Why would someone, apparently chosen at random, have their consciousness swapped with someone else in another reality? How would someone, apparently chosen at random, have their consciousness swapped with someone else in another reality? Why would another three persons, apparently chosen at random, have their consciousness swapped with three other someone elses in another reality? Why would the entire bridge crew of a starship, apparently… well, you get the picture. What will happen to all these very confused people? How does the Alternate Reality News Service get scoops on these events so quickly? Why are their reporters acting so dodgy – do they have something to hide, or just issues? Who are the Pops, and can they help? Does the editor know what’s going on, and if she does would she even tell Noomi (our favourite TA investigator)? What was that noise from her office when Noomi was ‘interviewing’ her? Why am I asking you these questions when you haven’t even read the story yet? Or have you? Why are you reading this blurb if you’ve already read the story? Are you looking for an alternate reality, or just alternative facts? This is fiction you know, we tell it like it is. If you want alternative facts you better try a news service...or a politician. Oh, and if you’re looking for a news service, you could always consider the Alternate Reality News Service.
It’s just another day in the Transdimensional Authority, with teams of investigators doing what they do best (well, after breakdancing) – investigating. Bob Blunt is en route through a Dimensional Portal™ to Earth prime 4-7-5-0-0-7 dash iota to investigate cars exhibiting most uncarlike behaviours – ribbit! (Breaking all of the Transdimensional Authority rules…number 127, he is without his partner, ‘Breakfront’ Balboa, who is on leave after an unfortunate incident with the Vulvar Ambassador to Earth Prime and a staple gun). Beau Beaumont and Biff Buckley have already arrived on Earth Prime 5-9-2-7-7-1 dash theta to find themselves surrounded by machines whose only intention is to serve human masters – even if it kills them! Recently recruited TA investigator Noomi Rapier, with her partner ‘Crash’ Chumley, is on Earth Prime 6-4-7-5-0-6 dash theta where all matter at all levels of organisation (from sub-atomic particles to the universe itself) has become conscious. Meanwhile Barack Bowens and Blabber Begbie, taking the Dimensional DeLorean™ to Earth prime 4-6-3-0-2-9 dash omicron, face multiple apocalypses (already in progress), and Bertrand Blailock and Bao Bai-Leung are having trouble travelling to their intended destination: the home of the digital gods. At first, they all appear to be looking for unauthorised and probably counterfeit Home Universe Generator™s, but could what’s really happening be more sinister? (Yes. Yes, it could. We wouldn’t want to leave you in suspense…)
Think back to a time in your life that you made a decision that you now regret. Oh, don’t be so coy – everybody has one. Okay, maybe not Mother Teresa. Or, Bruce Springsteen. But, unless you’re Mother Teresa or Bruce Springsteen – and we’re pretty sure you’re not – you have been in that position. What if you could go back in time and change that decision? What if you could make the other choice? Or, even better, choose a third option that you didn’t even see at the time? Wouldn’t you like to know how things would have turned out if only you had done something different at that critical juncture in your life? DON’T BOTHER. Have you never read any science fiction time travel stories? Don’t you know that they always end with either dinosaurs becoming the dominant species on the planet or your grandfather killing Hitler, causing you to be born with a speech impediment and an irrational fear of listening to Born in the USA? Time branches are not something you can borrow books from – they are paths to realities that you couldn’t anticipate and don’t want to live in, and just try to get a decent corned beef on rye in any of them! In Random Dingoes, the third Transdimensional Authority novel by Ira Nayman, investigators Noomi Rapier and Crash Chumley look into reports of a drug that allows people to travel between universes without technological assistance. They methodically work their way up the drug ring’s chain of command and are just about to arrest its leader when – time travel happens. With the assistance of Time Agency agent Radames Trafshanian, Noomi and Crash must navigate realities they hadn’t anticipated and which they wouldn’t want to live in. But, can they find a decent corned beef on rye? You’ll have to read Random Dingoes to find out!
Delve into the Dream The Realm of the Goddess is vast. From mythology to legend to modern retellings, between these pages, you will experience Her Mysteries in original stories destined to become new mythology. Experience the Goddess in Her many guises, from Egypt to Nigeria, from Europe to the UK, from the Middle East to North America. "... a passionately written, original collection of fresh, contemporary, Goddess mythology for our modern era. Each chapter is a pilgrimage to meet and get to know another embodiment of the Goddess and Her particular mysteries." - Dodie Graham McKay, author of Earth Magic.
Without fear, favour or the faintest connection to a universe that makes sense, Alternate Reality News Service reporters strive to bring you the most interesting, informative or least expensive news from the multiverse. This new collection of science fiction journalism includes news articles about: -a world in which the best way to cure cancer may be to negotiate with individual diseased cells; -a project to collect, rebuild and reanimate the atoms that made up Albert Einstein's body (so far, they have most of his ankle!); -China avoiding a war with the United States (without firing a shot) by repossessing the American military in payment of the country's debt; -a woman suing General Motors for palimony, claiming that the corporation, legally a person, was the father of her child. This volume also contains a seven-part behind-the-scenes look at the Alternate Reality News Service called The Weight of Information. What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys: because, now, more than ever, if you don't like this reality, choose another one! Praise for the previous Alternate Reality News Service book, Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be T]his is a great little volume to leave lying in the bathroom. Or on the coffee table. Anywhere people might pick it up to leaf through. And if you do, you won't be able to stop at just one entry. - Charles de Lint, Books To Look For, Fantasy and Science Fiction Thanks for the terrific book! I love it. - Andrei Codrescu, author of The Posthuman Dada Guide: Tzara and Lenin Play Chess Ira Nayman has written radio plays, film and television scripts, produced a short film and is the creator of the offbeat humor website Les Pages aux Folles. Mr. Nayman received his M.A. in Media Studies from the New School for Social Research and his Ph.D. in Communications from McGill University. He grew up in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. When he is not being funny all over the place, Mr. Nayman teaches New Media at Ryerson University. Publisher's website: http: //www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/WhatWereOnceMiraclesAreNowChildrensToys.htm
Citizenship and cultural participation in the 21st century will increasingly require access to new information technologies, and those lacking access will risk social exclusion. This book considers the issues involved in developing a policy framework to close the access gap, in order to maximise the potential for human and cultural development. It contains a number of essays that adopt historical, statistical, theoretical, and descriptive methods to investigate the value of the internet for societies, citizens and communities. It considers how government policy makers and their partners in the corporate and civil society sectors can help foster full participation in the development of a knowledge society.
The fourth and fifth Alternate Reality News Service collections of reporting from Earth Prime 1-6-7-1-8-2 dash Psi, a universe where the United States of Vesampucceri is the world's leading idiotiocracy, collected in a single volume.
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