The quintessential Christmas holiday rhyme is revamped and illustrated to make it the perfect gift for Mother’s Day, complete with children’s messes and night-before stresses. If Clement C. Moore had described the night before Mother’s Day instead of Christmas, he might have written about burned breakfast, muddy footprints, leaky clay teacups, smelly soaps, and glittery cards—all the trappings of Mother’s Day. In The Night Before Mother’s Day, MacLeod and Horacek share the innermost thoughts rattling around in mom’s head as she lies in bed the night before. From the messy kitchen shelf (that the husband and children assume gets cleaned by itself) to the brooding vampires on the DVD, mom silently ponders what it might be like if she transformed into a sharp-fanged member of the un-dead. Who can she turn to in such an hour of need, when she’d rather make each member of her own family bleed? Why her mother of course! “You’ve had a hard day, dear?” / Her mother would guess, / “Of handcrafted presents? / And mayhem? And mess? / “Well, come around later, / Let’s both drink some tea— / From leaky clay teacups / You once gave to me.” Celebrating the nostalgia and common experience of motherhood, The Night Before Mother’s Day is an illustrated ode to the trials and tribulations (and occasional familial bloodlust) that mom expertly navigates 365 days of the year.
Have you heard the one about the guy who lost a grandfather, but found a girlfriend? It's funny. It's also kind of sad. And some of the bits that are sad are also kind of funny (but only if you laugh at that sort of thing). Adam thinks Samantha could be the one for him. But first he has to sort out his parents' crumbling marriage, stop getting into embarrassing situations involving public nudity, find out what's making his gran so angry, stop his little brother doing something really, really dangerous and work out what's so funny about two tigers on a beach. It can't be that hard, can it? A novel about how comedy unites and divides us, from the award-winning author of The Shiny Guys and The Life of a Teenage Body-Snatcher.
When Mozzie and Midgie meet a colourful parrot who boasts of being the most beautiful bird on the island, the two young spoonbills set off to find out what could make them beautiful and special.
Did you know that grasshoppers hear with their legs? And a pregnant goldfish is called a twit? Seth Parrot knows hundreds of little facts like these, because his father tells them to him. What Seth doesn't know is: Where do you meet muscular girls? How do you make them fall in love with you? Would a different haircut help? Is credit card fraud a good idea? What on earth is a moonshadow? By the end of the story, Seth will know the answer to four of these questions. They won't come from his father. They'll come from a very wise magazine called Dolly. From the author of Tumble Turn comes a hilarious new novel about muscles, love and a flower-hating Eastern European.
He is crafty and cranky, mysterious and moody, and he wants children pie for his seven hundredth birthday. He is Kevin the Troll and he has his wicked little eye fixed on you . . . Nearly all the trolls look up to him. Incredibly, by the end of this hilariously twisted adventure, you will too. Besides some remarkable trolls and ingenious humans, you will meet a chocolate giant, thirteen angry ghosts and a psychic called Rendor, who only predicts the opposite of what will happen. Take Rendor’s word for it. You will absolutely hate this book.
Wouldn't it be funny if they were real?' 'Shiny red men?' 'What if I were the sane one and everyone else was mad?' One night, the shiny guys visit fifteen-year-old Colin Lapsley. They don't speak, but Colin can read their thoughts. They want him to pay for the terrible thing that he has done. When the shiny guys won't go away, Colin is admitted to ward 44. There he discovers an alien world, a powerful weapon, a gentle giant, and a girl who may be able to see what he can see. The Shiny Guys is a dark, sometimes funny novel about how fantasy and reality can merge, especially when electricity is involved.
Do babies look at you and shriek? Do talking parrots give you cheek? And when you kneel to say your prayers. Do all the mice jump up on chairs? Is life for you a diving plank. Above a large piranha tank? Then what you need, my little ones, Is Sister Madge's Book of Nuns.
Life would be a whole lot easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.' Nothing is how it seems in the forest. Your best friend may turn out to be your worst enemy. A deadly poison might save your life. And two smiling children could become the most horrifying monsters of all. Morton is sure of one thing, however. His four treasures are lost somewhere in this forest and he has to find them, or life is not worth living. Mind you, with bizarre perils lurking behind almost every tree, Morton's life could end at any moment. If that isn't bad enough, he is travelling without a hankerchief. Funny and sinister, this is Doug MacLeod at his scary and entertaining best.
The world of Spiky, Spunky, My Pet Monkeyis one of smiles and shadows, giggles and grunge, where nothing stays dead for long, and most things explode. Nearly all the rhymes have nasty stings in the tail. Some of them leave you gasping. Others leave you rolling around on the floor, begging for new pants. From the author of Sister Madge's Book of Nunsand Tumble Turn, this is vintage gallows humour for all ages, but mainly The Middle Ages.
Thomas Timewell is sixteen and a gentleman. When he meets a body-snatcher called Plenitude, his whole life changes. He is pursued by cutthroats, a gypsy with a meat cleaver, and even the Grim Reaper. More disturbing still, Thomas has to spend an evening with the worst novelist in the world. A very black comedy set in England in 1828, The Life of a Teenage Body-snatcher shows what terrible events can occur when you try to do the right thing. 'Never a good idea,' as Thomas's mother would say.
I want to see what's behind the door.' 'Amber, maybe we should leave.' 'We can't back out now.' There is something strange at Tallis Point. Siggy knows, because he's seen it. And now the mysterious, non-blonde Amber want to see it too. Should Siggy take Amber to Tallis Point? On the good side, he might end up with a girlfriend. On the bad side, he might explode. It's a tough decision. Funny, touching, and outrageous, Siggy and Amber is Doug MacLeod at his very best.
A selection of poetry chosen from the best works of Michael Dugan and Doug Macleod with jokes and fun, hilarious domestic life and strange forms of domestic nonsense.
Why would anyone want to live on a farm where the winds are so fierce that even the pigs are blown away? Fortunately Mum is a clever inventor and can think of one very good reason. The Windy Farm is a hilarious picture book with a very pertinent message about wind power and environmental sustainability, by one of Australia's favourite picture book teams.
Dominic Dear is nearly thirteen and confused about life. His parents think he's odd. So do some of his teachers. Dominic suspects they might be right, especially when he starts to fall in love in a very odd way. The tumbles and turns of Dominic's life are told via the e-mails that he sends to his mysterious Uncle Peri in Albury. Uncle Peri's place is over-run with dancing sheep, howling pumpkins and bikie chickens. And the really odd thing is that Uncle Peri turns out to be the most sensible person in Dominic's life.
Read entirely ridiculous stories about Jack and the Branstalk, Snow White and the Seventy Dwarfs and the Gingerbread Mane. Once you've read this book, you'll agree that Leon Stumble's new fairytales have that magic ingredient - stupidity! Jam-packed with load of jokes, and especially designed to appeal to boys.
Collection of 60 fun greeting card rhymes for kids. Includes rhymes for an alien, for someone who doesn't know you exist, for someone with unpleasant habits and for an English teacher. Benefits the Comic Relief fund. Author and illustrator have previously collaborated on 'The Birdsville Monster' and 'Sister Madge's Book of Nuns'.
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