The best-selling author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships explains how to build trust—the essential ingredient in successful relationships—in spite of fear or past betrayals Most relationship problems are essentially trust issues, explains psychotherapist David Richo. Whether it’s fear of commitment, insecurity, jealousy, or a tendency to be controlling, the real obstacle is a fundamental lack of trust—both in ourselves and in our partner. Daring to Trust explores the importance of trust throughout our emotional lives: how it develops in childhood and how it becomes an essential ingredient in healthy adult relationships. It offers key insights and practical exercises for exploring and addressing our trust issues in relationships. Topics include: • How we learn early in life to trust others (or not to trust them) • Why we fear trusting • Developing greater trust in ourselves as the basis for trusting others • How to know if someone is trustworthy • Naïve trust vs. healthy, adult trust • What to do when trust is broken Ultimately, Richo explains, we must develop trust in four directions: toward ourselves, toward others, toward life as it is, and toward a higher power or spiritual path. These four types of trust are not only the basis of healthy relationships, they are also the foundation of emotional well-being and freedom from fear.
We already possess everything we need to have satisfying relationships and a happy, fulfilling life; all we need to do is learn how to bring forth our natural wisdom—which includes our innate kindness, understanding, and courage. Psychotherapist David Richo draws on four decades of his counseling experience to create this manual on how to nurture the best in ourselves and our relationships. He teaches how to access our natural abilities to: • Care for ourselves as the basis of caring for others • Find freedom from fear • Maintain healthy boundaries in relationships • Develop greater honesty with ourselves and others • Let go of regret The book also includes practical exercises—including journaling, contemplation, and guided meditations—to foster inward growth and lasting positive change. This book is a completely revised and updated edition of Everyday Commitments.
In this unique book, psychotherapist David Richo offers fifty-two promises we can make to ourselves that will help us navigate the ups and downs of daily living in a wise, compassionate, and psychologically healthy way. Taken together these commitments, along with the author's brief reflections on them, offer guidance on how to: • develop genuine kindness toward yourself and others • find freedom from fear • maintain healthy boundaries in relationships • develop greater honesty and awareness Designed for daily or weekly inspiration and contemplation, Everyday Commitments also features practical exercises—including journaling, contemplation, and guided meditations—to foster inward growth and lasting positive change.
“A lucid, thought-provoking, and illuminating” guide to finding fulfillment and “fluid acceptance of life as it is” (Martha Beck, life coach and New York Times–bestselling author) Why is it that, despite our best efforts, many of us remain fundamentally unhappy and unfulfilled in our lives? In this provocative and inspiring book, David Richo distills thirty years of experience as a therapist to explain the underlying roots of unhappiness—and the surprising secret to finding freedom and fulfillment. There are certain facts of life that we cannot change—the unavoidable “givens” of human existence: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is a part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Richo shows us that by dropping our deep-seated resistance to these givens, we can find liberation and discover the true richness that life has to offer. Blending Western psychology and Eastern spirituality, and including practical exercises, Richo shows us how to open up to our lives—including what is frightening, painful, or disappointing—and discover our greatest gifts.
Psychotherapist David Richo offers a fresh and inspiring approach to personal growth: we can use the process of writing and reading poetry to move toward greater self-understanding and emotional healing. Even if you’ve never written a poem before, you can learn to use poetry to explore your feelings, your relationships, your childhood, your dreams, and more. Richo explains how the creative, intuitive process of making poetry can help us gain access to our deepest truths, leading us to make connections and explore experiences in a new way, beyond the constraints of everyday language. This book offers a range of practical exercises for getting started, as well as guidance on how to read poetry in a way that can be personally transformative. Being True to Life shows us that poetry is not reserved for a few specially talented individuals but is a deeply human activity that anyone can tap into for greater clarity and insight into life’s struggles, beauty, and mysteries.
Work with your triggers to find peace in the painful moments and lasting emotional well-being. Psychotherapist David Richo examines the science of triggers and our reactions of fear, anger, and sadness. He helps us understand why our bodies respond before our minds have a chance to make sense of a situation. By looking deeply at the roots of what provokes us--the words, actions, and even sensory elements like smell--we find opportunities to understand the origins of our triggers and train our bodies to remain calm in the face of painful memories. The book offers in-the-moment exercises on how to process difficult emotions and physical manifestations in order to to cultivate the inner resources necessary to deal with recurring memories of trauma. When we are triggered, Richo writes, "we are being bullied by our own unfinished business." Explore what your body's knee-jerk reactions can teach you. Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Healing acts as a guide to your body's powerful responses, helping you to remain calm under pressure and discover the key to emotional healing.
The popular author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships reveals how past trauma can negatively impact our present-day relationships—and offers guidance on what to do about it We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances. When the Past Is Present helps us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to unpack it and put it where it belongs. Drawing on decades of experience as a psychotherapist, Richo helps readers to: • Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a gift • Identify and heal the emotional wounds we carry over from the past so that they won’t sabotage present-day relationships • Recognize how strong attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of our own unfinished business • Use mindfulness to stay in the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy Full of practical guidance, When the Past is Present will teach you how to free yourself from old wounds and destructive behavioral partners so you can foster healthier, happier relationships.
The psychotherapist and author behind The Five Things We Cannot Change explores how unexpected events can help us find direction, understand ourselves, and fulfill our potential Meaningful coincidences and surprising connections occur all the time in our daily lives, yet we often fail to appreciate how they can guide us, warn us, and confirm us on our life’s path. This book explores how meaningful coincidence operates in our daily lives, in our intimate relationships, and in our creative endeavors. The Power of Coincidence will help you to: interpret a series of similar happenings, open yourself to assisting forces around you, understand how your dreams can guide you through life events, use your creative imagination in life choices—and live in accord with your deepest needs and wishes, as revealed to you by meaningful coincidences. Originally published under the title Unexpected Miracles, the author has fully revised and updated the book for this edition.
How identifying what you want can reveal deep truths about yourself—and how working with those longings can lead to a happier, more satisfying life If you’ve ever had a vague sense that something’s missing from your life, congratulations: that longing for something better is a sign of being fully human, fully alive. But what’s even more wonderful, according to Dave Richo, is that when you identify and carefully examine the things you long for—like love, meaning, freedom, happiness, and growth—you not only discover deep truths about yourself, but you also find that the things you long for were never really “missing” at all. Richo provides enlightening advice and practices for accessing just this kind of profound self-discovery, illustrated by a wealth of examples from depth psychology, religion, and literature. Our longings in fact point to the presence of something transcendent in us, he shows. In seeking something better, we are seeking that which we already are. “David Richo does a brilliant job unpacking the unhealthy versions of ego that confine us. Through psychological and Buddhist wisdom teachings and a range of powerful practices and meditations, we are guided beyond the identity of separate self to the loving awareness that is our deepest essence.” —Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.
The universe supports you and is offering to help you—in very concrete ways. Best-selling self-help author Dave Richo shows how to recognize this help that's all around us—Grace—and how to access it. Grace is the term Dave Richo uses to describe any of those events in which help comes your way unexpectedly: when the solution to a perplexing problem just suddenly pops into your head; when you suddenly find the strength to rise to an occasion you didn't think you could endure; when the next phase in your spiritual path becomes plain as day. Moments of Grace usually come as surprises, but, Richo shows, we can learn to expect them—for Grace is a resource any of us can access. He begins by showing where to look to recognize the Grace that surrounds you: in nature, in religion/spirituality, in relationships, in yourself. He then provides practical exercises for learning how to manifest Grace in your life--to recognize and claim the help the universe is constantly offering you.
Bestselling author David Richo gets straight to the heart of how to find courage and contentment when life doesn’t go according to plan. Rather than fighting against them, we all must accept these five true things: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Drawing on both psychology and spirituality, Richo offers time-tested insights on finding meaning and joy in life as it really is and relationships as they are. Five True Things distills the essential wisdom of Richo’s popular book The Five Things We Cannot Change. By changing our approach to our struggles, we can find deep happiness.
You and your ego: how to develop strong self-confidence without becoming an egotist—so you can be happy with who you are and make others love you too How can you build the healthy ego necessary to be effective in life—yet avoid the kind of egotism that makes people dislike you? Don’t worry; Dave Richo has the answers. You Are Not What You Think shows you how to navigate the tricky waters between egotism and selflessness in a way that avoids both extremes and makes you much more effective and loving. The key is to acknowledge your ego and to be kind to it, before you ultimately learn to let it go. As with all Dave’s books, this one is full of examples from mythology, psychology, and religion, with plenty of exercises and practical advice.
The guide to finding your perfect timing for life's biggest decisions—whether to stay or go in relationships, jobs, locations, and everything that matters most. Do we stay in what we know? Or is it the right time to leave and make a change? In more than 50 years as a psychotherapist David Richo has been asked versions of this question more than any other. He has coached countless people of all ages through agonizing decisions related to their partnerships, their career, their home, their faith. In Ready, he shares the deep wisdom we need to make these decisions—and feel confident in following through. The book looks at the mystery of timing, why we stay too long, why we leave too soon, and what it feels like when the timing is right. Richo shows that readiness is about more than just making a choice. Being ready means we understand ourselves deeply—we are prepared to take action (and staying is an action!), and we are equipped with what it takes to follow through. Filled with relatable stories and helpful practices, including meditation, self-inquiry, journaling, and affirmations, Ready helps us understand our own perfect timing to stay or to go.
A fascinating exploration of the “assisting force” archetype—with powerful tools and insights on how to find and work with the assisting forces in your life—from the best-selling author of How To Be An Adult in Relationships. David Richo draws from history, Jungian psychology, Buddhism, nature, and other spiritual traditions to illuminate our connection to the “helpers” we call upon to navigate life. Some of the assisting forces in our lives are visible, and some are invisible. Some are with us for life; some come and go. Spiritual assisting forces could be bodhisattvas and saints—or partners in a relationship who are allies to one another. Richo says that helpers are a necessary character on our human journey, and that in every heroic journey story the hero or heroine requires a trustworthy companion to fulfill his/her/their destiny. The assisting force can take many forms, but is often depicted as a sidekick, an aide, a wise advisor, or a spirit guide. In stories, an assisting force can also be an elixir, a magic form of help, an animal, or a wish-fulfilling gem. In this fascinating inquiry, Richo posits that the archetype of the ally is necessary if we are ever to be fully who we are. He shows us how assisting forces are in and around us, and how we can be one to others. Richo offers a compelling and accessible view—and time-tested practices including meditation, self-inquiry, journaling, and affirmations—that help us recognize and access the allies in our lives.
We were made to love and be loved. Loving ourselves and others is in our genetic code. It’s nothing other than the purpose of our lives—but knowing that doesn’t make it easy to do. We may find it a challenge to love ourselves. We may have a hard time letting love in from others. We’re often afraid of getting hurt. It is also sometimes scary for us to share love with those around us—and love that isn't shared leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. David Richo provides the tools here for learning how to love in evolved adult ways—beginning with getting past the barriers that keep us from loving ourselves, then showing how we can learn to open to love others. He provides wisdom from Buddhism, psychology, and a range of spiritual traditions, along with a wealth of practices both for avoiding the pitfalls that can occur in love relationships and for enhancing the way love shows up in our lives. He then leads us on to love’s inevitable outcome: developing a heart that loves universally and indiscriminately. This transcendent and unconditional love isn’t just for a heroic few, Dave shows, it’s everyone’s magnificent calling.
Discover how to embrace the dark side of your personality—or the shadow self, as introduced by Carl Jung—to live a fuller, more authentic life Our “shadow” is the collection of negative or undesirable traits we keep hidden—the things we don't like about ourselves or are afraid to admit: egotist, non-“PC” proclivities, forbidden sexual desires. But it also includes our positive, untapped potential—qualities we may admire in others but disavow in ourselves. Befriending the shadow makes fear an ally and enables us to live more authentically. It also automatically improves our interpersonal relationships, because we are freed from the need to project our own negativity onto others, and we become more acutely aware when theirs is projected onto us. David Richo looks for where the shadow manifests in personal life, family interaction, religion, relationship, and the world around is. He shows how to use the gentle practice of mindfulness to work with our shadow side, and he provides numerous exercises for going deeper. He is remarkably skillful at making the shadow concept not only easy to understand, but supremely practical for enhancing the quality of our lives.
Everyone is afraid. Sometimes fear is inappropriate and unnecessary. At other times, we have good reason to be afraid. But in every case, fear reduces our ability to be ourselves. It convinces us we shouldn’t take chances or risks. This book is for people who want to let go of unreasonable fear or act more creatively in the face of reasonable fear. It explores the roots of fear—the fear of change, of self-disclosure, of giving and receiving, of being alone. Beneath all of these is the greatest fear of all: the fear of loving and being loved. This 25th anniversary edition speaks of the enduring message of the book and this new edition has been greatly updated and expanded to include more contemporary developments in psychology and current events. Every chapter of the book has been rewritten and revised with a new audience in mind. Some new sections have been added and existing sections revised. This revised and updated edition reflects the author’s growing understanding of the ageless concern in our lives—becoming free from fear so that we can be more resourceful in our life.
Wholeness and Holiness guides us through a three-step journey to psychological soundness, spiritual wholeness, and saintly holiness. To attain this goal, a person must work at all three"--
What does a genuinely adult spirituality look like? Many adults find it difficult to answer this question because they often retain a childlike understanding of God and religion. This book explores that phenomenon, and then offers adult alternatives in the light of mysticism, depth psychology, and the evolutionary cosmology. Written for the average person and without denominational bias, this book describes how a mature faith is nourished by religious views that are open-minded rather than provincial, metaphorical rather than literal, and respectful of individuality rather than rigid and rule bound. How to Be an Adult in Faith and Spirituality offers a gentle reply to the atheism of our postmodern world by guiding readers along a path of enriching spiritual growth and by awakening them to the potential of the transcendent - the place within us and beyond us where true and lasting faith abounds. Book jacket.
Richo has chosen twenty-three components of humanness, each a topic of a chapter. He begins each chapter with a short section about the topic as it is described in psychology or spirituality. Then he presents quotations from Shakespeare on that theme. Every passage walks us into who we are and can be, both psychologically and spiritually. The quotations are wonderfully imaginative kick-offs into it. After each Shakespeare quotation is a short re-phrase in modern English. After each set of quotations, he presents a paragraph or two, based on the points made in them, meant to show how they can be springboards into becoming more sensitive to the topic. The book is divided into three parts. In Part One, the author explores who we are. In Part Two, he looks at what happens to us during a lifetime. In Part Three, he presents specific suggestions found in Shakespeare about how to put these themes into practice.
Of all the characters bequeathed to us by the Hebrew Bible, none is more compelling or complex than David. Divinely blessed, musically gifted, brave, and eloquent, David's famous slaying of Goliath also confirms that he is a redoubtable man of war. Yet, when his son Absalom rebels, David is dogged by the accusation than he will lose his kingdom because he is not merely a man of war, but a man of 'bloods' - guilty of shedding innocent blood. In this book, for the first time, this language of 'innocent blood' and 'bloodguilt' is traced throughout David's story in the books of Samuel and 1 Kings. The theme emerges initially in Saul's pursuit of David and resurfaces regularly as David rises and men like Nabal, Saul, Ishbosheth, and Abner fall. Innocent blood and bloodguilt also turn out to be central to David's reign. This is seen in a surprising way in David's killing of Uriah, but also in the subsequent deaths of his sons, Amnon and Absalom, his general, Amasa, and even in David's encounters with Shimei. The problem rears its head again when the innocent blood of the Gibeonites shed by Saul comes back to haunt David's kingdom. Finally, the problem reappears when Solomon succeeds David and orchestrates the executions of Joab and Shimei, and the exile of Abiathar. Attending carefully to the text and drawing extensively on previous biblical scholarship, David J. Shepherd suggests that innocent blood is not only a pre-eminent concern of David, and his story in Samuel and 1 Kings, but also shapes the entirety of David's history.
Psychotherapist David Richo offers a fresh and inspiring approach to personal growth: we can use the process of writing and reading poetry to move toward greater self-understanding and emotional healing. Even if you’ve never written a poem before, you can learn to use poetry to explore your feelings, your relationships, your childhood, your dreams, and more. Richo explains how the creative, intuitive process of making poetry can help us gain access to our deepest truths, leading us to make connections and explore experiences in a new way, beyond the constraints of everyday language. This book offers a range of practical exercises for getting started, as well as guidance on how to read poetry in a way that can be personally transformative. Being True to Life shows us that poetry is not reserved for a few specially talented individuals but is a deeply human activity that anyone can tap into for greater clarity and insight into life’s struggles, beauty, and mysteries.
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