Misanthrope, n.: 1.) One who hates mankind; a curmudgeon; a loner; 2.) The guy in your office who responded to your e-mail of baby photos with "D-. Passing, but not college material"; 3.) A Realist From The Misanthrope's Guide to Life In this guide, you'll learn how to get away from the pain-in-the-asses who make you seriously consider investing in a fallout shelter and making it your new home. You'll take isolated comfort in these survival strategies, including how to: Conduct managed incoherence to get the delivery boy from the lobby to your door Take a "French leave" in order to eat alone at work Get ousted from your kickball league by dressing as Magnum, P.I. for every game Get back at the jerk yapping on his cell phone by reciting the lyrics to Harry Chapin's version of "Cat's in the Cradle" End a conversation by "Gwynething" (also known as playing the "I'm delightfully foreign" act) someone to death This is the survival guide you will be annoyed not to have.
Readers, buy this book. You will never read a book that is this important. You will care for this book as if it is your own child. You will feel overwhelming anxiety and nausea without this book. You will no longer need any other entertainment after buying this book. You will buy this book for you and your friends. Readers possibly will not be manipulated by the above sentences. However, this humorous guide will provide these inexperienced, future mind persuaders with the tools and techniques of the brainwashing trade to achieve their most immediate life objectives. Readers will learn how to: manipulate friends to believe your viewpoints repeat phrases until they are jarred into their families' thoughts use Pavlovian reinforcement to persuade significant others to do housework With Brainwashing for Beginners, readers will convince and convert the world around them today. Buy this book.
It Is a Good Idea to Purchase This Book If you think a neti pot for that stuffy nose is just what the doctor ordered, think again (choking on salt water and mucus is a horrible way to go). If you indulge your midlife crisis by going whole-hog Harley, you may look darn good in those leathers (but imagine your disgrace when that hard-core biker gang that lures you into their criminal shenanigans turns out to be poseur frat boys from Yale). If you settle down on a rainy night for a friendly game of Risk with your pals, you may think it's all in the name of good fun (but when your ubercompetitive streak kicks in and you end up winning the game but losing your house, your job, and your wife in the process, you may regret it. At least take a shower now.). These are just three of the good ideas gone horribly wrong that you'll find in It Seemed Like a Good Idea . . . . In this one-of-a-kind cautionary guide, prognosticators Meghan Rowland and Chris Turner-Neal have looked into their crystal ball to predict all the unexpected dire consequences of your actions—one unmitigated disaster at a time. So go ahead, dare to dream big—but before you leap into the abyss, check out It Seemed Like a Good Idea . . . and save your future ass.
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