Celia Rivenbark's Books

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

By: Celia Rivenbark

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We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

By: Celia Rivenbark

Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in their pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling novel Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the South she loves, the land of "Mama and them," "precious and dahlin'," and mommies who mow. Y'all come back now, you hear?

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Page Count

288

Publisher

St. Martin's Griffin

Published Date

ISBN 10

031231244X

ISBN 13

9780312312442

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

By: Celia Rivenbark

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You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

By: Celia Rivenbark

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

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Page Count

166

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

142998452X

ISBN 13

9781429984522

Belle Weather

Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Belle Weather

Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits

By: Celia Rivenbark

Bestselling Author of We're Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp Hang on to your hats! We're in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view." With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you'll hear from Celia on: --The joys of remodeling Tara --How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew --Britney's To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up --How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day --Why French women suck at competitive eating --The truth about nature deficit disorder --The difference between cockroaches and water bugs --The beauty of Bedazzlers And much, much more! Whether she's doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna's mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.

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Page Count

302

Publisher

St. Martin's Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

142992991X

ISBN 13

9781429929912

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

By: Celia Rivenbark

An always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for real-life manners quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals)"--

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Page Count

272

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

1250029236

ISBN 13

9781250029232

Bless Your Heart, Tramp!

And Other Southern Endearments

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Bless Your Heart, Tramp!

And Other Southern Endearments

By: Celia Rivenbark

From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress). Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal. So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

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Page Count

234

Publisher

Macmillan + ORM

Published Date

ISBN 10

1466801107

ISBN 13

9781466801103

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

A collection of essays about life in the Southern United States.

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Page Count

290

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

0312339941

ISBN 13

9780312339944

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

By: Celia Rivenbark

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You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

By: Celia Rivenbark

From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

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Page Count

254

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

1429952016

ISBN 13

9781429952019

Bless Your Heart, Tramp

And Other Southern Endearments

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Bless Your Heart, Tramp

And Other Southern Endearments

By: Celia Rivenbark

What's the Southern woman's take on fried turkeys, Barbie and Ken, politicians and marital success? Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in a hilarious look at foibles.

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Page Count

244

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

0312343426

ISBN 13

9780312343422

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

By: Celia Rivenbark

In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals). Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including: Navigating the agonies of check splitting ("Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?")The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as "Recline Monster" and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked)Office manners ("Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst")And much more! Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!

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Page Count

272

Publisher

St. Martin's Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

1250038413

ISBN 13

9781250038418

Belle Weather

Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Belle Weather

Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Page Count

302

Publisher

St. Martin's Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

142992991X

ISBN 13

9781429929912

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover: * How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy) * Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them) * EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" (Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?) * Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues * And so much more! Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.

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Page Count

169

Publisher

Macmillan + ORM

Published Date

ISBN 10

1429918810

ISBN 13

9781429918817

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

By: Celia Rivenbark

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We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

By: Celia Rivenbark

On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

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Page Count

292

Publisher

Macmillan + ORM

Published Date

ISBN 10

1429908254

ISBN 13

9781429908252

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

By: Celia Rivenbark

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You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Page Count

254

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

1429952016

ISBN 13

9781429952019

The Height of Rudeness

Four Sneak Peek Essays Plus One Exclusive!

By: Celia Rivenbark

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The Height of Rudeness

Four Sneak Peek Essays Plus One Exclusive!

By: Celia Rivenbark

In this short e-original The Height of Rudeness, readers will get 5 essays - one never-before-published and 4 "sneak peeks" at the kind of manners advice Celia Rivenbark will be dishing up in her upcoming etiquette book RUDE BITCHES MAKE ME TIRED. Have you been "wait-listed" for your friend's wedding? Or, worse, have you been told, via engraved stationery, that you should "Please don't save the date"? This odious and ill-mannered trend must stop! How did it start? How should we cope with such an audacious display of asshattery? Leave it to Mama Celia to help in times like these. And a word of warning to brides-to-be? Quit showing off your engagement bling to your Facebook friends. They all expect to be invited and they're already shopping for Soda Streams.

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Publisher

St. Martin's Press

Published Date

ISBN 10

1466843098

ISBN 13

9781466843097

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

By: Celia Rivenbark

Author of the SEBA Book of the Year "We're Just Like You Only Prettier," Rivenbark's irresistibly hilarious essays explore the American South's glorious excesses and contradictions. These treasures are sure to leave readers hankerin' for more!

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Page Count

284

Publisher

Macmillan

Published Date

ISBN 10

0312339933

ISBN 13

9780312339937

Celia Sings

By: Celia Frances Stothard

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Celia Sings

By: Celia Frances Stothard

Remembers the work of Alan's late wife, Celia Stothard. The photographs document items and details from Celia's studio. Available in standard and limited editions, with all proceeds going to the Stothard Kitching Trust.

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ISBN 10

0956930603

ISBN 13

9780956930606

Book's by Celia Rivenbark

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

Belle Weather

Belle Weather

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Bless Your Heart, Tramp!

Bless Your Heart, Tramp!

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

Bless Your Heart, Tramp

Bless Your Heart, Tramp

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Belle Weather

Belle Weather

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

The Height of Rudeness

The Height of Rudeness

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

Celia Sings

Celia Sings

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