All I had ever wanted was privacy. In order to get it, it seemed that an exceptionally detailed 500,000-word book was in order...' He was born into an ancient powerful dynasty and, through no fault of his own, became one of the most recognisable men on the planet. His life was a constant barrage of press intrusion and manipulation. Until finally, he demanded that it stop. In order to get the privacy he so craved, he has written a frostbite-and-all book that goes deep inside the castle walls and exposes every shouting match, fist-fight, betrayal, teddy bear, awkward hug and tear-stained wedding rehearsal for the world to feast their eyes on. All for privacy! This is his story.
What operating system does your PC run on?' 'Electricity,' said Gran. From the author of November 2016 Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! The Five go north to see their grandmother who is alone over the Easter weekend. They're shocked to find it's been so long that they don't recognise her at all. While they're there, they try to help her with her computer. They try first to fix her iTunes account, and then her internet banking - after all it's the least they can do! However everything they touch turns to dust. They end up getting her cut off from the internet, the gas and the electricity, and reduced to a World War II-style privations - that is until the toddler from next door comes in and fixes everything. They return home somewhat with their tails between their legs, only to discover that with their help Gran has learned to make videos, and has become an internet sensation.
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Aunt Fanny how much she means to them. Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they try to celebrate Mother's Day with Aunt Fanny. George has past form in forgetting - not least her mum's birthday and Christmas presents - so tensions are running high even for the charged normality of their mother/daughter bond. But things go from bad to worse when Fanny comes to stay, with relations strained almost to breaking point. Can the Five save the day, and will Uncle Quentin get involved?
He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us - well, maybe not Gary Neville - but the rest of us most definitely.' Noel Gallagher He may be football's latest superstar, but Mario Balotelli is just as famous off the pitch for his eccentricity and extraordinary antics. From the time he let off fireworks in his bathroom to the notorious bib incident, he's rarely out of the news. But in his secret diary*, as we follow Mario through one turbulent football season and the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, we discover that the headlines only tell half the story. Whether he's hiding Silvio Berlusconi in his basement, patrolling the streets of Manchester as a caped crusader or trying to be the first Premiership footballer to go to the moon, the truth is stranger, and much funnier, than we could have expected. *not the actual diary of Mario Balotelli
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?
I looked again at at the door and saw a message scrawled roughly in the mud of the wall above it, as though someone had used their whole hand to gouge it out: RIDLEY GARNET'S SCHOLE FUR VILLAINS. Everyone's favourite orphan-turned-storyteller Daniel Dorey is back - and heads below Tumblewater on his quest to find his sister. He unwittingly enrols in a very strange school, encountering a host of weird and wonderful characters - including for example Dr Bludger, who attacks corpses with an axe to give his students the opportunity to practise stitching. Other lessons are forgery, lock-picking, knife-wielding and still-life painting (with a twist). Will Daniel and his naughty schoolmates be able to put their grisly lessons into practice and help rescue his sister?
Welcome to the world of Fairy Tales, Millennial style... Inside you'll find Sleeping Beauty waking up Woke, the Billy Goats Gruff getting trolled, and three little pigs explaining that - realistically - a house of straw is really the only way a first time buyer can get on the housing market. Goldilocks discovers a darling little Porridge pop-up, the Pied Piper shifts his content strategy to attract more followers, and Hansel and Gretel meet a witch whose house is built of Avocado Toast.
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy go camping in the deep dark woods. Sleep does not come easily, so they have the brilliant idea of telling each other spooky stories. Join the Five as they scare themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .
It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature . . . Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain. . . . that is until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.
Bruno Vincent's humour books (several co-authored with Jon Butler) have sold more than a quarter of a million copies, twice appeared on the Sunday Times bestseller lists, and been translated into nine languages (including American). He is also the author of a volume of horror stories for children set in a dark and twisted Dickensian world, Grisly Tales from Tumblewater, and its forthcoming sequel, School for Villians.
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: what exactly is this puzzling scrape referred to as a 'strategy away day'? The Five have gone on their greatest adventure yet - to become an even better team! They are booked into an exciting hotel right next to the jolly motorway services, where the nice (if somewhat nervous and sweating and depressed) man teaches them a number of exercises that will make them work better. But wait! Who's been sneaking messages through the hotel dumb waiter about secret assignations? Is there a smuggler's plot afoot? Or is Shelly from Production shagging Postroom Luke? All will be revealed . . . Ideal for those who are allergic to corporate jargon and will throw a sickie before having to play a trust game with colleagues.
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea? Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . . Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.
Every year, one funny book seems to stand out from all the others. This year, it's Do Ants Have [Assholes]?…a rip-roaring parody" Spectator "The book being touted as this year's can't-miss, downstairs-loo-fixture of a dead-cert publishing-phenomenon-sensation" Guardian "A very funny spoof of pop-science collections" Daily Telegraph A venerable and historic newspaper, the Old Geezer is read and respected by the world's most conscientious, upright citizens. When these beacons of respectability have serious questions, they turn to the Old Geezer's "Questions and Answers" page. Do Ants Have Assholes? collects the enlightening answers to thought-provoking questions such as: If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do? How many men would it take to kill an elephant with their bare hands? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown? Are "crabs" related to crabs? What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy go camping in the deep dark woods. Sleep does not come easily, so they have the brilliant idea of telling each other spooky stories. Join the Five as they scare themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .
In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Sherlock Holmes is feeling like an analogue detective in a digital world! The world’s richest and most obnoxious Tech Bro (freshly decamped to the English countryside) has invited Sherlock Holmes to visit ... and vanished before Holmes gets there! Did he intend for the Great Detective to investigate his disappearance? Dr Watson is alarmed that Sherlock Holmes is growing forgetful. He can hardly remember why he came into a room, and keeps misplacing things. Is he finally losing his memory? Or is all a ruse, to engage a villain who may or may not be a piece of malevolent AI? And while we’re talking about things being de-crypted, could Holmes’s supposedly deceased adversary Moriarty be behind it all? Only Sherlock Holmes can save the day – and of course Watson, if he can recall where he wrote down his damned list of passwords*! *They’ve got to be somewhere...
In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, it’s Christmas at Baker Street, and Holmes is obsessed his most fiendish of unsolved cases: someone is murdering Santas across London! As Holmes and Watson struggle through the Christmas-shopping crowds, they must catch this most dastardly and un-Christmassy of villains, while sneakily trying to purchase each other’s Christmas presents (they are in the world’s least-secret Secret Santa, after all). Meanwhile, with the museums of London refusing to return cultural artefacts to their countries of origin, someone is taking matters into their own hands, and stealing back what was stolen. Are the cases connected, and could an ancient air fryer of demonic power hold the key to the mystery of the murdered Santas? And more importantly, can you prepare a whole Christmas dinner in an air fryer*? *Whether you can or not, Dr Watson’s going to give it a jolly good try. Ho Ho Holmes!
Crumbs! Danger Mouse's most sensitive, scintillating and secret operations have been revealed for the first time in this top-secret dossier. Kept under lock and key at MI5 (or is it MI6? One of the Mouse Intelligence agencies, anyway...) for over 35 years, finally discover how DM saves London, the world and, most importantly, Penfold in fantastically absurd adventures. Be shocked and surprised, amazed and astounded by stories including the audacious theft of a chunk of ozone; the planned sabotage of the Royal wedding; and a sinister attempt by Jeremy Beagle to take over the airwaves. Cor blimey!
In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Holmes and Watson return to the site of their most famous case – and discover someone is hounding the Baskervilles! Sherlock Holmes needs a holiday, so Dr Watson has taken him to Dartmoor, where they find a very changed Baskerville Hall. The gaunt, gothic mansion has gone: it’s now an eco-friendly, zero-waste yoga retreat. But trouble is (cold-)brewing beneath the solar panels. Someone is stirring up hate against the supposedly “woke” agenda at Baskerville and is sending anonymous death threats, in the form of a gun’s trigger and the word ‘BEWARE’! Even worse, there are reports that the slathering hell-hound on the moor has returned! Can Holmes and Watson negotiate the heightened emotions between different social media tribes, without getting themselves permanently cancelled – or even murdered*? *I mean looking at their track record, ‘yes’ is probably the answer, but it will be fun finding out!
The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as: Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open? What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls? Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?
Based on the successful first edition, this book gives a general theoretical introduction to electrochemical power cells (excluding fuel cells) followed by a comprehensive treatment of the principle battery types - covering chemistry, fabrication characteristics and applications. There have been many changes in the field over the last decade and many new systems have been commercialised. Since the recent advent of battery powered consumer products (mobile phones, camcorders, lap-tops etc.) advanced power sources have become far more important. This text provides an up-to-date account of batteries which is accessible to anyone with a basic knowledge of chemistry and physics.
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