Unspeakable horrors threaten the earth in this fantastic new comic fantasy from the author of Divine Misfortune. Diana's life was in a rut -- she hated her job, she was perpetually single, and she needed a place to live. But then the perfect apartment came along. It seemed too good to be true -- because it was. The apartment was already inhabited -- by monsters. Vom the Hungering was the first to greet Diana and to warn her that his sole purpose in life was to eat everything in his path. This poses a problem for Diana since she's in his path. . .and is forbidden from ever leaving the apartment. It turns out though that there are older and more ancient monstrous entities afoot -- ones who want to devour the moon and destroy the world as we know it. Can Diana, Vom, and the other horrors stop this from happening? Maybe if they can get Vom to stop eating everything. . .and everyone.
An uproarious new novel in the tradition of Robert Asprin and Terry Pratchett! For someone who's immortal, Never Dead Ned manages to die with alarming frequency--he just has the annoying habit of rising from the grave. But this soldier might be better dead than face his latest assignment. Ogre Company is the legion's dumping ground--a motley, undisciplined group of monsters whose leaders tend to die under somewhat questionable circumstances. That's where Ned's rather unique talents come in. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, Ned finds himself in charge of such fine examples of military prowess as a moonstruck Amazon, a very big (and very polite) two-headed ogre, a seductively scaly siren, a blind oracle who can hear (and smell) the future, a suicidal goblin daredevil pilot, a walking tree with a chip on its shoulder, and a suspiciously goblinesque orc. Ned has only six months to whip the Ogre Company into shape or face an even more hideous assignment, but that's not the worst of his problems. Because now that Ned has found out why he keeps returning from dead, he has to do everything he can to stay alive. . . . In the Company of Ogres does for fantasy, what A. Lee Martinez's previous novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, did for horror--and elves and goblins may never be the same! At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Serving a wizard who has transformed innumerable victims into monsters and other cursed forms and then imprisoned them in his castle, housekeeper Nessy faces a disastrous uprising when the wizard suddenly dies.
Meet Monster. Meet Judy. Two humans who don't like each other much, but together must fight dragons, fire-breathing felines, trolls, Inuit walrus dogs, and a crazy cat lady -- for the future of the universe. Monster runs a pest control agency. He's overworked and has domestic troubles -- like having the girlfriend from hell. Judy works the night shift at the local Food Plus Mart. Not the most glamorous life, but Judy is happy. No one bothers her and if she has to spell things out for the night-manager every now and again, so be it. But when Judy finds a Yeti in the freezer aisle eating all the Rocky Road, her life collides with Monster's in a rather alarming fashion. Because Monster doesn't catch raccoons; he catches the things that go bump in the night. Things like ogres, trolls, and dragons. Oh, and his girlfriend from Hell? She actually is from Hell.
Divine Misfortune is a story of gods and mortals -- -in worship, in love, and at parties. Teri and Phil had never needed their own personal god. But when Phil is passed up for a promotion -- again-it's time to take matters into their own hands. And look online. Choosing a god isn't as simple as you would think. There are too many choices; and they often have very hefty prices for their eternal devotion: blood, money, sacrifices, and vows of chastity. But then they found Luka, raccoon god of prosperity. All he wants is a small cut of their good fortune. Oh -- and can he crash on their couch for a few days? Throw in a heartbroken love goddess and an ancient deity bent on revenge and not even the gods can save Teri and Phil.
From the award-winning author of Gil's All Fright Diner comes a fantastic sci-fi mystery read The Automatic Detective Even in Empire City, a town where weird science is the hope for tomorrow, it's hard for a robot to make his way. It's even harder for a robot named Mack Megaton, a hulking machine designed to bring mankind to its knees. But Mack's not interested in world domination. He's just a bot trying to get by, trying to demonstrate that he isn't just an automated smashing machine, and to earn his citizenship in the process. It should be as easy as crushing a tank for Mack, but some bots just can't catch a break. When Mack's neighbors are kidnapped, Mack sets off on a journey through the dark alleys and gleaming skyscrapers of Empire City. Along the way, he runs afoul of a talking gorilla, a brainy dame, a mutant lowlife, a little green mob boss, and the secret conspiracy at the heart of Empire's founders---not to mention more trouble than he bargained for. What started out as one missing family becomes a battle for the future of Empire and every citizen that calls her home. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Emperor Mollusk. Intergalactic Menace. Destroyer of Worlds. Conqueror of Other Worlds. Mad Genius. Ex-Warlord of Earth. Not bad for a guy without a spine. But what's a villain to do after he's done . . . everything. With no new ambitions, he's happy to pitch in and solve the energy crisis or repel alien invaders should the need arise, but if he had his way, he'd prefer to be left alone to explore the boundaries of dangerous science. Just as a hobby, of course. Retirement isn't easy though. If the boredom doesn't get him, there's always the Venusians. Or the Saturnites. Or the Mercurials. Or . . . well, you get the idea. If that wasn't bad enough, there's also the assassins of a legendary death cult and an up-and-coming megalomaniac (as brilliant as he is bodiless) who have marked Emperor for their own nefarious purposes. But Mollusk isn't about to let the Earth slip out of his own tentacles and into the less capable clutches of another. So it's time to dust off the old death ray and come out of retirement. Except this time, he's not out to rule the world. He's out to save it from the peril of THE SINISTER BRAIN!
A. Lee Martinez delivers his first short story collection, featuring ten original tales based on his previous fantasy and science fiction novels. If you're a Martinez fan, this collection is surely something you've been waiting for. If you're simply Martinez curious (and who isn't?) this is a great sampling of strange worlds of fantasy featuring talking gorillas, sensible housekeeping kobolds, cosmic monster gods, and world-conquering space squids. These all-new, all-different tales are available for the first time. Within you'll find tales of werewolf versus bigfoot, ogre versus wizard, and rock alien versus romantic entanglement. You'll experience a terrifying descent into madness via pizza delivery and the existential angst of the gods of death. You'll discover why it's a bad idea to feed the pixies and why it's a good idea to always bring along a magical broom on your adventures. A collection eight years in the making (and worth every year), Robots versus Slime Monsters might not actually have any stories where a robot fights a slime monster, but it does feature a gorilla wrestling a lion. And in the end, isn't that almost as good?
Witness the epic battle of the cyclops! Visit the endangered dragon preserve! Please, no slaying. Solve the mystery of The Mystery Cottage, if you dare! Buy some knick knacks from The Fates! They might come in handy later. On a road trip across an enchanted America, Helen and Troy will discover all this and more. If the curse placed upon them by an ancient god doesn't kill them or the pack of reluctant orc assassins don't catch up to them, Helen and Troy might reach the end their journey in one piece, where they might just end up destroying the world. Or at least a state or two. A minotaur girl, an all-American boy, a three-legged dog, and a classic car are on the road to adventure, where every exit leads to adventure. Whether they like it or not.
The Last Adventure of Constance Verity is soon to be a major motion picture starring actress and comedian Awkwafina (The Farewell; Crazy Rich Asians) as Constance Verity: the girl who's been saving the world since she was seven. This omnibus edition includes, The Last Adventure of Constance Verity, Constance Verity Saves the World, and Constance Verity Destroys the Universe. It all began at Constance Verity's seventh birthday party, when she defeated a giant snake - but really, it was the fault of the magic wish granted to her at her birth. She's now a master of exotic martial arts and a keen detective, and she possesses a collection of strange artefacts, mostly kept in unlabelled boxes in her apartment. But Constance has spent the past twenty-seven years saving the world, and frankly, she's sick of it. She wants an office job and a normal boyfriend - one who isn't going to get killed by who knows what - and she's figured out the way to get them. The problem is, saving the world is Constance's destiny. She's really good at it, and there are forces at work to make sure she stays in the job. Then again, it's also her destiny to have a glorious death. 'An ethnically diverse heroine, great adventure pacing, a witty sense of humour and some quality banter make this a delightful subversion of superhero tropes' Booklist (starred review) 'Martinez delivers another witty, fast-paced fantasy. The deadpan snark is nonstop and sure to keep readers giggling' Library Journal
Witness the epic battle of the cyclops! Visit the endangered dragon preserve! Please, no slaying. Solve the mystery of The Mystery Cottage, if you dare! Buy some knick knacks from The Fates! They might come in handy later. On a road trip across an enchanted America, Helen and Troy will discover all this and more. If the curse placed upon them by an ancient god doesn't kill them or the pack of reluctant orc assassins don't catch up to them, Helen and Troy might reach the end their journey in one piece, where they might just end up destroying the world. Or at least a state or two. A minotaur girl, an all-American boy, a three-legged dog, and a classic car are on the road to adventure, where every exit leads to adventure. Whether they like it or not.
Resolving to live an uneventful life after years spent saving others using her godmother-bequeathed martial arts and detective skills, Constance Verity finds her efforts to settle down in an office job and a healthy relationship stymied by forces that keep her in the role of the world's defender."-
The final part in Constance Verity's epic adventure: saving the world is easy. Everything that comes after is the tricky part. Look out for Crazy Rich Asians superstar Awkwafina as Connie in the major movie adaptation of the first book. Saving the world is easy for Constance Verity: she's used to doing the impossible on a daily basis. Everything that comes after is the tricky part. Connie has accepted and secured her place in the universe. There isn't a foe she can't outfight or a peril she can't outwit - until she discovers she herself might be the greatest threat to the world she's spent her life saving. All the signs are pointing to impending doom, and not just for Connie. Her friends, her enemies and the universe itself are all at risk. She's always known she was destined for a glorious death, but she never suspected she'd be taking everyone and everything else with her. With her trademark determination, Constance Verity sets out to avert a cosmic plan millions of years in the making - and save the universe from herself. After all, who else is going to do it?
Constance Verity - soon to be played on the big screen by Crazy Rich Asians superstar Awkwafina! - is still saving the universe, one crisis at a time - but now the rules have changed. Constance Verity is still saving the universe, one crisis at a time, but the rules have changed. She's managed to build a quiet life between feats of improbable heroism, until the line between adventure and ordinary begins to blur and Connie discovers that preventing her two very different worlds from colliding might be beyond even her. It's hard enough to maintain a relationship without having to find time to save the world, but when her (sort of) ex-boyfriend, the son of one of her top ten arch-enemies, comes to her for help, the timing couldn't be worse. But when malicious superbrains and sinister ocean gods join an entirely unreasonable number of assassins, Connie might finally be in over her head - and the curse of steadily worsening bad luck isn't helping much. With her history of saving the world, over and over, it should be just another day in Connie's life - shouldn't it?
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